Sunday 23 October 2016

My October Digest

It's a blustery day here in Halifax - the end of some kind of weather system we had yesterday and overnight. It's a funny sort of energy on the wind this time though - not quite like the "normal" refreshing and energizing winds of this time of year. Not quite sure how to put my finger on it...

Anyway, this has been the first weekend I've had off in about a month - and the first time I've had 2 days off together in about that same time. It was a wonderful lazy sort of weekend though, spent indoors with my wife, thanks to the weather. I picked up Skyrim again, just to re-familarize myself with it since the new remastered version comes out on Friday. I'm not sure how much I'll get to play that though, before I become a one-armed wonder for a bit, well...sort of. More on that later...

In other news, I'm about a week shy of my first month of W1 and so far things have been going really well. It was more reading than I was expecting, but I'm no stranger to reading :P I can notice little things, subtle things, starting to re-awaken. I say that because it seems so familiar yet distant, like I'm waking up out of a fog or something and seeing things for the first time. It's like it's something that was so commonplace before somehow went dormant or into hiding, and now I'm "waking up" and starting to remember something from a really long time ago. It's kind of neat, actually and I'm surprising myself sometimes.

It's a beautiful time of year to be outside here, with the splashes of colour everywhere, so I've been getting outdoors whenever I've been able to though, on my days off mostly. It's been hard not having 2 days off together, and for some reason when that one day rolls around, it just happens to be a bad weather day. Or, a not super great weather day. I still get outside though, because bad weather can't stop me or else I'd be inside all the time. It's also been a very solitary month, not seeing much of, well anyone, with my schedule being so opposite from most people. My new job is going really well though, despite that, which is fantastic. My co-workers seem pretty great, and I'm much happier on a daily basis. It's work that I'm very comfortable with, and good at doing, which makes me way less stressed. At the same time though, my schedule is kind of shit so my non-work life is a little lacklustre at the moment. It's all a trade off, and I think I'm a little bit closer to getting back to my normal self again, despite the schedule issues.

Anyway, I snapped some pictures when I was out on Wednesday, because I was just so in awe of how beautiful things are this time of year, and I thought I would share some of them with you!






So in other not-so-awesome news, I'm going in for a hand surgery in a little over 2 weeks. It's only going to be about half an hour, if all goes well, and I'm only getting a local anaesthetic - in my hand. Unfortunately for me it means I'll be totally awake and aware of whats going on, I just won't be able to feel it. Fortunately it also means that I won't have to spend time in a recovery room or anything, and there won't be any complications from general anaesthetic, which is totally a bonus. It still sucks though, because it's my right hand and I'm right handed, so I'll have to be gimpy with my left hand for a while. They're finally getting rid of a cyst that's been bugging me since last year. It's in the palm of my hand, right below my middle finger. As much as it will suck to recover from it, I've been noticing it a lot more since I've been back to merchandising, so it will be nice to not have to deal with it any more once it's gone. Oddly enough, I've also been noticing it more, the more I do with energy...maybe that's not so odd, but it's a new realm for me so I'm not so sure about these things just yet. Until then, I'll be living it up with both hands as much as possible XP 

I really don't have a whole lot of other stuff happening other than that though. Things have been blissfully quiet, but at the same time I've been accomplishing a lot in my course and getting myself back on track. 

I've been glad to see people's recent posts. It's great knowing that you guys are still out there doing what you do, even though our little community is somewhat quiet at the moment. 

I'm going to "sign off" for now - I'm going to spruce up my altar space. Until next time!

Wednesday 24 August 2016

Hello from the other side

I've been in my head a lot lately.

For the past 6 years (I think), there's been a little weekend festival in New Hampshire called TempleFest. I first heard about it about 3 years ago or so, and while it sounded pretty cool and like something that might be neat to get to one day, it was never really something on my radar. We had a local pagan gathering back 10+ years ago (we still do, but to my knowledge it has evolved somewhat and is more social now than educational - nothing wrong with that, just not really my thing) which I enjoyed. It was a camping weekend with workshops, a big feast, and a few rituals, and it was a great way to meet people in the local community, learn some stuff, and just hang out with like-minded folk. I had a great time and was looking to return the following year but work prevented me from getting to more than the one, but then some stuff happened and the local community and its dynamics changed, and so too did the festival.

Last month I had the opportunity to get to TempleFest with some friends of mine, and it was an eye-opening experience for me - as I was hoping it would be. It was pretty last-minute. I had an opportunity to go earlier on (maybe back in May) that I had to turn down once Heather and I talked it over a bit and decided financially it wouldn't be the smartest move for us this year. But then about 2-3 weeks before the festival I got a message from someone that something had come up and there was a spot and was I available to go? This message came the day after I had a dream that was...interesting, shall I say...so once I got that message Heather and I talked it over some more, and figured that maybe this was the universe giving me a slight nudge in the right direction, so we made it work and I went. I met some awesome people that I will hopefully be able to stay in touch with, and I learned lots. I came home with a renewed sense of what I need to work on spiritually, and it was a really great feeling. I'm super excited to start W1 now - not that I wasn't before - but I think it's really going to help me in the long run.

Anyway, ever since I've been back I've really been trying to maintain the momentum that was started at TempleFest. I've been doing little things here and there, and discovering things about myself - or maybe just getting confirmation - and just keeping that ball rolling, so to speak. I feel more witchy than I ever have - I think partly because I've reclaimed the word "witch" in a way that I never had before. I've become a lot more comfortable with it, especially when people see my tattoo and go "oh, are you a witch?" I'm a lot more willing to admit that to "randoms" now than I was before.

So that's pretty big, I think.

But - as a result of me doing that - I've turned inwards a lot, and been doing a lot of contemplating in other areas of my life - more specifically, about my job.

In April I started a new job - as a pharmacy assistant. I went into it suspecting that I wasn't going to like the store I would be working in - and I wasn't wrong. But what I wasn't ready for was the possibility of not liking the job itself. I had been doing courses and been training at my other job for the better part of a year, with the end goal of getting a full-time position as a pharmacy assistant. I worked for the position, and I got it on my first try. I was so happy to be able to move into a role that I thought would be rewarding - knowing that I'm contributing to helping people feel better. To be in a job with a title that meant something more than "retail worker". Pharmacy Assistant sounds a hell of a lot better than Merchandiser. But once I got there I was stuck on cash - the receiving end of cranky customers, having to be the one they get angry at when something isn't as they're expecting. If I'm lucky I get to be "filling" prescriptions maybe one shift a week - sometimes unto 3 times - but I really am just a cashier with the occasional filling shift, and I can honestly say that I hate it. I hate the job I'm doing and I hate the environment that I'm working in. Every day I work I have to ask for help to get me through the shift, and sometimes it's all I can do to not walk out. I don't want to spend another 4 months slowly suffocating emotionally and spiritually (trying to hide the fact that I dislike my job day in-day out) by being in a spot like that. I can't. And so I'm not.

At most I have 4 weeks to freedom, at best 2 weeks.

I'm going back to my old role as a merchandiser - at another store. One that's got a much better work environment. I can't say I'm totally happy though, because leaving means admitting defeat, closing a door that I'm not sure I'm ready to close just yet. At the same time though, I'm happy I had the experience I did because I did learn a lot, and I never would have known it wasn't for me if I didn't do it.

So I've been thinking about this a lot in the last week. There's been lots of other stuff going on in my life too though.

My parents are renovating their house, which is only about a 4 minute walk away. Right now chaos doesn't really even begin to describe the situation. They were without running water for 2 weeks, and only got cold water back last week. They may not have hot water for another...well, they really don't know. Thankfully we're so close so they can come here to get showers and whatnot when they can. It's been hard on everyone, but especially my mom, and I wish I could help more than I have been.

While this has been going on - the renovations at my parent's place - I found out my brother and his partner of 4 years broke up. It's whats best for everyone in the long run, and I want what's best for them, truly. But it's just more emotional stuff to wade through.

So I've been in my head a lot lately.

I know I've been quiet for a few months, but I was in a dark place for a bit, with my job. I had to work through that, which I did, and I came out the other side of that about a month to month-and-a-half ago or so. When I came out of that I found out I was able to go to TempleFest, which was awesome, but when I got back I found I was still working through some stuff, just in a different way, and in different areas of my life - but it's not all bad!

And thus begins my Saturn Return - I think. I'm ready for a bumpy ride...but who says bumpy rides can't be a little fun, right?

Saturday 16 April 2016

My First Vlog

I know it's pretty crazy, but here it is! My first ever attempt at making a video of myself. Enjoy!


I hope everyone is doing well, and I'll see you guys real soon (maybe even in video form)!

Sunday 21 February 2016

"Things fall apart/the centre cannot hold" - Yeats

That has kind of been my life for the past 3-4 months. Nonetheless, welcome to 2016! I had high hopes but the first bit kinda sucked, I'm not going to lie. Now that we've crash landed into it and things may finally be calming down, I thought I would pick up the scattered pieces of my life that lay strewn about and try to put them together - one of those pieces is this blog. 

Let me give you the run down.

As I'm sure many of you already know, Heather and I bought a house back in November. The process started at the end of September and went into October. After some really frustrating hiccups during that process, we moved in mid-November. The move was by far the most jarring one I've ever had, and that day was a bit of a hot mess for sure, but in the end, regardless of how many tears were shed, we had a house. And it is our house.

We were just starting to get settled in, when we went on vacation in early December. We hadn't planned  on taking a vacation at all last year (or any time in the near future for that matter), but it kind of fell into our laps at the end of last summer, so we couldn't refuse it. We knew we would be leaving some boxes and stuff to unpack when we got home, which was fine. Not exactly how we'd hoped things would go, but that's life, isn't it?

Our trip was fantastic - an awesome break from the craziness that had been happening in our lives. We got to see some friends, that, although we don't see very often at all, are kind of like family now. 

The real shittyness happened pretty much as soon as we got home.

Both Heather and I got sick on the last day or so of our vacation so that by the time we got home, we were in full blown sickness mode. I ended up with a sinus infection, and Heather had one heck of a nasty head cold. We both missed some work because of it, and once we started feeling better we were finally able to start thinking about the first Christmas in our new home.

I started to put up our little Christmas tree and got out the tote of decorations, and just when things were starting to feel like home and plans for a family Christmas dinner at our house were made, all of that fell apart. 

We were taking out our old couch to make way for a new one that we'd bought and was supposed to be getting delivered the next day, when Heather noticed something in the folds of the couch. It was a bedbug. A small one - not even an adult, as we would come to find out - but that one tiny bug threw any plans we had made right out the window. We found it on December 22. That close to Christmas, no one was able to come and spray our place, but we were able to get a guy in with sniffer dogs. They both reacted positively to a small spot around where the bug was found, so we decided to go ahead and get someone in to spray with chemicals. 

Heather was a mess. It was her worst nightmare come to life. Literally. 

We were essentially living out of ziploc bags for nearly a month. Every time we came in or went out of the house, Heather had to run everything through the dryer. We even had to find temporary homes for our reptiles (which we are still so thankful for). To say it sucked is putting it mildly. 

Once the pest control officer came out and sprayed, he was able to confirm that it was likely just the one bug - there were absolutely no signs of anything else. That was peace of mind enough for me, but Heather was still scarred from it, and will likely always be to a certain point. She is doing a lot better now though, and is about back to her regular self. Our house still vaguely smells like the chemicals the guy sprayed in some spots though, an unwanted reminder of some of the darkest days we've spent together.

Once we were done with the chemical treatments (only 2), we got our new couch delivered, and slowly started getting our lives back in order. We were able to cook in the kitchen again, we could be in the living room and not be afraid, and we could start to finish unpacking, and finally, the ziploc bags went away.

It's taken us this long to get our office mostly in order, and to finally get our ritual room put together. 

I cannot tell you what it's been like for me to not have an altar set up - to not have a place to focus on. It sucked a lot. It's been almost 5 months since I've had an altar set up, and let me tell you, I did not feel right for those 5 months. I might even go so far to say I may have been a bit depressed. I'm not sure how that works because I'm not very familiar with it, but now that I was able to put the final touches on the alter last night, I feel like a fog has been lifted. Everything seems brighter, more vibrant. Even though I was up at 5:45 this morning, I was okay with it - not tired and reluctant to get out of bed. It's like night and day.

So, with that, here's a closer look at my "new" altar.


So I've got a few things going on, as you can see. The main alter has 3 components.


The top level, if you will, is my working altar. It's where the magic happens (literally! Teehee). Anything I need to charge, any spell I cast or sachet I make, or anything I need to do really, is done there. It's got representations of all of the elements, plus an offering dish.


The middle level is kind of a placeholder spot. It's stuff I want to have quick and easy access to, but I don't always use. Things that don't really have a spot otherwise, but I want to keep out.


The bottom level is my ancestor alter. This is a new section that I've been wanting to set up for ages, and I'm actually really excited about it. Originally I had envisioned it as one of the little side altars, but I couldn't figure out how to get photos on there, so after a bit of thinking I re-worked it ever so slightly and came up with this idea. I really like how it's turning out, but I'm not quite done yet. I need to sort through some old photos and pay a visit to my parents house before it will feel "done", I think.

And this is my meditation altar. It's a tad on the cluttered side, so I may tweak this one as well. Originally I wanted it on my main alter, but had to re-work it slightly and so this is how it ended up. I think it will do just fine though. 

So this is my "healing" altar, which is another new addition. I had the idea to set one up after a ritual I went to for Yule. It's very simplistic, and it's going to take a little work to be "done", so for now it's super bare bones. I really just wanted to have a candle, preferably a 7-day candle, and a dish or something that I could put people's names in (for people that have asked for good vibes or healing or that kind of thing). I'd like to spruce it up a bit more than that, so this might be another one that evolves more consistently. 

So there we go, my new space all set up! Finally! And on top of that, I'm feeling a bit more like my normal self. I think maybe it has something to do with having that space set up, but it could also be that we've been cooking in our kitchen again, and the majority of our animals are back. I've been noticing that the days are getting longer as well, so that could be helping too, I dunno. Either way, I'm crossing my fingers that there are brighter days ahead. 

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*Note* I wrote this last weekend and didn't get around to posting this until now because I wrote it as a note on my phone and then had to e-mail it to myself, then I copied and pasted the e-mail here. I'm not sure what Blogger didn't like about that, but it obviously didn't like something. Sorry for the odd white "halo" around the text, but hopefully I can fix it somehow.