Back to Basics

Lately I've been trying to figure out why I've been feeling so blah. Aside from the mundane issues like jobs and money, I think that it's been because I felt very disconnected from my spirituality. Essentially, I was what I would refer to as a "Sunday Pagan". I've always used the term "Sunday Christian" to describe someone who goes to church once a week and then forgets about their spirituality for the other 6 days. They know what they believe, but beyond that there's virtually nothing. So for me, a "Sunday Pagan" is someone that calls themselves Pagan and knows when the seasonal celebrations are, what pantheons they "work"with, and have their defined belief system, but that don't really do anything. They don't really walk their talk, so to speak. Some people would call those people "Lazy Pagans", but I'm not overly fond of the term "lazy". All wording aside, I got very caught up in the day-to-day activities of life, and sort of unknowingly brushed aside my spirituality. Not only did I brush it aside, I sort of forgot about it.

Until about 2 years ago I used to work at the local pagan book store. I was there for about 5-6 years, when it was all said and done. It was my first job, and I loved it. It never really felt like work to me, which was fantastic, and it was a very nurturing environment spiritually speaking. Without really doing any anything I was able to feel like I was practicing my spirituality on a daily basis, just by being there and offering advice and recommendations to people. Now that I work in a more "normal" retail setting, all of that has changed. I no longer have that nurturing environment, and I think because of it, things just slid under the radar without me realizing. But, here I am now.

So, in an effort to kick-start things again, I've decided to get back to basics.

What are basics, you might ask?

Well, for me, that means that I'm going to try to get back into the headspace I had when I first discovered things, but with my older, more experienced spin on it. I'm hoping to start reading again, and re-discovering books that I'd wanted to read in the past, or read books on subjects that have interested me in the past, and maybe a few that stand out to me now. I'm hoping to get outside more, because I find (and have found in the past) that even just being outside helps me to connect (or reconnect) to the world around me (ie, nature), a world that I've very much lost touch with. I also hope to start writing again, which is part of the reason I started this blog. I find that writing helps me clear my head, in some weird way. I'd also like to have my own altar set up again, and maybe, just maybe, I'll start to actually do something on the holidays, or at the very least, the equinoxes. Essentially, I'm trying to search for the roots of what I consider to be my spirituality, and then nurture those roots.

Excuse me while I go find my shovel...

Community

So what exactly is a community? Is it just a group of people with similar beliefs or similar intentions? Perhaps it's just one person helping another? Maybe it's a gathering of individuals that happen to be in the same area? 

I think that the word "community" means something different to everyone. To me, a community is a group of people with similar beliefs and ideals coming together for a common purpose. Simply break down the word and you'll get my definition...common unity. But why is it so difficult for a group of people with similar beliefs and ideals to get along? It should be easy, right? But it's not...and why are they so important, anyway? Lots of people practice on their own just fine, so why should it matter?

This is how I see it. Individually, you have beliefs and practices that work and make sense. You're comfortable doing things your own way, and enjoy the freedom of being solitary. You don't want to join a group because you don't want to be boxed in, so to speak. You don't want to have to follow other people's rules or ways of doing things, and you don't want to look stupid. That's totally fine. I think that working alone has lots of benefits, and to be honest, I think that no matter who you are, you need that alone time. But, I also think that too much time alone and you'll go stagnant. I think that practicing with other people, even if it's just attending a public ritual, is something everyone should do at least once or twice. You can learn a lot from watching how other people do things, and seeing what they believe. 

So what does that have to do with community? Well, you have a sense of belonging when being in a community that you don't get when you're on your own. You also have a bit of a support network that's not there otherwise, not to mention the vast differences you encounter amongst individual belief and practice, and the knowledge you can gain from that. 

We have a fairly strong pagan contingent in my neck of the woods, but unfortunately not a lot of people get along. Well, I probably shouldn't go that far, but there does seem to be a fair bit of animosity floating around. Until recently (about 5-6 years ago), we had one of the most cohesive pagan communities in Canada, but something happened that drastically changed things. Was it one person, event, or thing? It's hard to say. All I know is that I used to feel like I was a part of something big, so to speak. That, for all intensive purposes, I was a part of a community. I no longer feel this way, and I haven't for some time. 

I got into paganism about 13 years ago, and sort of quietly stumbled my way into what was a thriving community. There were lots of public rituals and events that seemed very well run with lots of smiling faces eager to strike up a conversation. I felt like I was finally in a space where I belonged, and I loved it. Now that I don't have that I miss it. A lot. Some would argue that we still have a thriving, healthy community here, but I disagree completely. How can it thrive when people are so judgemental, presumptuous, entitled, and defensive? 

Not long ago a group of people got together to try to fix our broken and fractured community, and for a while I had a lot of hope that, in time, old wounds would heal and we would be able to move on and back into some semblance of a "common unity". When I saw this was not possible with the current people involved, I decided to walk away. Begrudgingly, I packed up and moved on. I want to feel connected again. I want to have a sense of belonging, and of pride. Maybe now isn't the right time for it - I know the universe works in strange ways. For now all I can do is move on, and look forward to forming a new type of community, in hopes that one day, that "common unity" will be found again, not just for me, but for many others. 

As The Wheel Turns

In recent weeks I've noticed the days getting shorter - instead of waking up to the sun I now watch the sun as it wakes up. There has been a chill on the breeze, despite the last threads of heat clinging to air. The leaves on the trees in the marsh have started to blaze with colour. Fall is here. Change is in the air.

I find myself wondering how many others are noticing these things. Am I the only one that, by the end of the summer, feels stuck...stagnant? I've never noticed it before, but for some reason this realization has recently set in. Not only do I look forward to wearing jeans and hoodies, and eating tasty baked goods, but I find that the fall brings a renewal of sorts, that I look forward to most of all.

I've been a "bad" pagan lately. I let myself get caught up in the mundane hustle and bustle of everyday life. I almost turned a blind eye to the "world" around me, instead, focusing on how I was going to pay these bills or how I was going to make time for that appointment. I lost track of who I was. I'm not sure how I got back on track again, but now that I have, I've found myself wanting more...

My wife is also pagan, but we do things very different spiritually. It's a big help, having similar beliefs, but its hard trying to do stuff, just the two of us. Our friends that live down the hall are also pagan. Sometimes we get together with them to do stuff, which is fantastic, but we haven't done anything in a long time, and I miss it. My problem is that I don't really know what I want to do, and I know I'm not alone in this. So, here I am, creating a pagan blog, outside of my comfort zone. I hope to use this space as a sort of kick-starter. Any musings or "pearls of wisdom" I hope to post here, along with any activities, recipes, books, or articles I find particularly interesting. So, welcome to my blog. Welcome to autumn, and welcome to change. Let the seasons transform you inside and out. Enjoy!