If There's a Future I want it Now

I've been having a silent revolution over the past few days, that has largely nothing to do with what I usually talk about on my blog, but here it is anyway...

I'm done. 

I'm done with taking back-seat approach to my life. I'm tired of sitting on the side-lines and watching my life pass me by - day after day, week after week, month after month - as I get up every morning and trudge along to a job that's just comfortable. To a job that I can just get by doing. To a job that's largely disengaging, repetitive, annoying, and disappointing. I want to find my calling. I want to get up every morning to work that I enjoy doing, to something I can be happy with and feel proud to do every single day. I feel like I've wasted my life away, and I feel like I'm getting too old to do something about it.

And I'm scared. 

I'm scared because I think I know what that means for me. I think I know which direction I need to head in but I'm torn. I'm torn between two things that I know I would love doing, but both of these things require money. I don't have money - I have debt. Not only am I going to have to make a very difficult decision between these two things, but I'm also going to have to figure out a way to invent money or pluck it out of thin air in order to change my life. I either need to go back to school (briefly - less than 2 years) or take a risk and invest a sum of money in something that may fail entirely. 

I don't know where to start. 

I'm not sure where to begin, or how. I don't know where to turn for help and every day I wake up and plod along to work, I feel like I'm sinking deeper and deeper into a pit of quicksand. 

Am I depressed? I don't think so - not really. 

I'm still able to get myself up and dressed in the morning, and smile about everything that I have. Even though I'm apathetic about my job, I'm extremely grateful that I have it. I have full-time hours and job security, plus I get benefits, vacation time and sick days. My boss is awesome. If I wake up with a migraine, they let me switch my shift around so I can sleep for a little bit longer and let it pass (hopefully). If I don't have a way in or home, sometimes they'll drive me when it's out of their way. They're lenient and understanding that I take public transit and work my schedule around that. Then there's all the awesome people that work with me and the fun we have. It makes my days bearable, and is the only reason I haven't fallen down a sneaky hate spiral, as it were. 

I love everything else in my life. My wife, my friends, and my family, our apartment, my city, my spirituality - everything. I'm too happy on average to be depressed...but sometimes I wonder if it's creeping in, thanks to my feelings towards work. 

So what does this mean for me? 

I don't know. 

Maybe it means getting creative on my days off or coming up with an "action plan". Maybe I need to sit down with someone and talk about it - about what my thoughts are to get an "outsider's" opinion. Maybe I just need to say "fuck it" and make it happen by any means necessary. I don't know. All I know is that I'm through with what I've got now. Something's got to change. I see a fork in the road and I'm not entirely sure what path to wonder down. I just need to figure out how to get past the obstruction in the road, and I know that no matter what direction I head in,  I'll be happier for it in the end. 

Superiority is Inappropriate - A Rant

Su-pe-ri-or-i-ty: the state of being high or higher in quality; the belief that you are better than other people; the quality or state of being larger, stronger, etc., than others. (as defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary online)

There are few instances where being superior is a good thing, but by-and-large, feeling superiority over others is generally frowned upon. I find this to be especially true in gender and race relations. Why should this be any different when dealing with religious matters? That person over there is better than I am because they're a Catholic? That's just wrong.

Today we (the founding members of the IDGAF tradition, however, 2 specifically) had a first-hand account of why religious superiority is inappropriate. There was an e-mail - from someone in our local community - that was sent to a friend of a founding IDGAF member. In this e-mail, the sender mentioned being "concerned" that Odin has been appearing to the members in question, saying that these people are delusional in thinking he would contact them because he didn't even show himself to [insert name] (from a story in the Eddas). The sender has been a part of the Heathen community here for a little while, and perhaps they feel entitled to comment because of their seniority in that community, I'm not sure. What they did, however, was basically say that these IDGAF member's beliefs are invalid because it is not the way that the e-mail sender has experienced this deity and, I can only assume, that because of this, they are being delusional.

I'm sorry, but who are you to go around telling someone what they can and can not believe? Wait...I'm not sorry. If you experience deity differently than the person next to you, that doesn't make their experiences any less valid than yours. It just makes them different. And that's a good thing! Diversity is what makes the community stronger, and bashing someone's experiences is not only harmful to that person, but it shows your inability to be open to the experiences of those around you, thereby making you a close-minded bigot (a person who is obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices; especially: one who regards or treats the members of a group [as a racial or ethnic group] with hatred and intolerance - the Merriam-Webster dictionary online).

It's one thing to have your opinions and keep them to yourself. Sure, maybe you feel that these people are delusional and couldn't possibly have the experiences they talk about. But don't go around telling them or others, that they can't possibly be having these experiences because this isn't like anything that you've experienced in your x number of years being a Heathen. That's inappropriate. It's like saying that there is only one way to go on a journey, or get in to a trance state because that's the only way you've ever done it. Does the pope go around telling people that they haven't had a genuine religious experience because he's never had the same thing happen to him? Nope!

And this isn't the first time this has happened - not only to founding IDGAF members, but to people in the pagan community as a whole. Why do we feel that when someone has a different experience with a deity it's not valid? Why is there only one way to do things? I've got news for you...THERE ISN'T ONLY ONE WAY TO EXPERIENCE THE DIVINE!!!! That's the beauty of being a pagan...or human, really. You don't have to do things the same way as your neighbour in order for it to have the same end result. For example, I don't have an ice pick to clear the ice off our deck. I have a hammer and a dust pan. You know what? That hammer and dust pan does a pretty great job at getting rid of the ice on the deck. Just because I'm not using the proper tool for the job does it mean I'm doing it wrong? NOPE! Is my ice-clearing method invalid because I'm not "doing it right"? NOPE! The end result is the same, and it's the same in this situation.

This person should have left well enough alone. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs, but sometimes these things are inappropriate to voice to a wider audience. This is one of those cases. Kind of like how you don't see people running around all over the place yelling that they wish for the rise of a new Hitler. I'm sure there are people out there that believe in that, but for the most part, I think they're pretty quiet about it. (I'm not saying that the e-mail sender is going around calling these IDGAF members delusional to other people, but it's always a possibility. I'm also not saying that these beliefs were expressed to anyone other than the e-mail recipient, just so we're clear)

If you feel the need to express to someone that you are concerned for them because you believe they're deluding themselves about an experience they had...don't e-mail a mutual friend - bring it up to the person in question and start a discussion. Put on your big boy pants and have an adult conversation in a way that doesn't belittle the beliefs or experiences of the other person. Though, I somehow doubt how possible it would be to have a rational discussion with someone who is so seemingly narrow-minded. But maybe I'm wrong - it happens.

This is my philosophy: live and let live. If Sally Joe wants to be a born-again evangelical Christian and hand me a pamphlet on the sidewalk, I respect her beliefs. If John Smith wants to cast a circle counter-clockwise all the time, who am I to tell him no? These people aren't hurting anyone, nor are they doing anything wrong. Some people might scoff at the idea of casting a circle that way, but it doesn't make it wrong.

What I truly don't understand is this: Why? Why does this person care what experiences these people are having? What does it matter to their beliefs? How are these member's experiences having an impact on the way this person experiences deity or practices their religion? I find it really hard to believe there is any impact at all. Don't feed the trolls, they say. Maybe this person is just being a troll? Trying to stir the pot to see what kind of bullshit can be kicked up? If that's the case, I've got news for you: bullshit is pretty flammable.

More Changes

I can feel the winds of change; they're rattling the windows, begging to be let in.

I know I'm not the only one they're after.

Maybe it's this time of year - things are slowly starting to wake up and break free from their icy 'prisons'. Maybe it's just in the air.

It's already started at my work. One pharmacist has left (because he got his own store in Ontario) and another one is leaving in the fall (her husband got posted in Ontario and he is leaving next month). One of our two assistant manager's left us as well (because she also got her own store). We've got one new pharmacist, and the assistant manager just got announced last week. We will now need a new receiver and another new pharmacist. Change is ripping through my workplace with a mighty fury, and I welcome it - but it doesn't mean I like what I see. The store I now work at is but a former shell of what it was before the assistant left, and I don't like what it's becoming in the wake of her absence. I've felt like I needed to move on for about a year, but now it's becoming more and more evident that my time in my current role is almost up.

I can feel myself waking up spiritually too. Not in the same sense that I did a year ago when IDGAF first became a thing - it's more than that. Something is stirring deep within me that has been longing to be let out for years. An inner power, or strength that's been pushed down and glossed over. The more I look for my roots, the more I'm digging up - the more I'm becoming who I know I am, who I'm supposed to be. I'm not afraid any more. I welcome this change, and embrace it like an old friend.

Imbolc and more books!

Today we had our Imbolc celebrations, a little later than "normal" thanks to the weather in our parts. We figured it's a little bit of a downer celebrating the coming spring when all we've been getting recently has been really cold temperatures and an abundance of wintery weather, so to help make it a bit more meaningful for us, we wanted to wait for a little bit until the weather improved. For us it's all about celebrating the seasonal holidays around our environment and not necessarily the dates on the calendar. It just makes sense to do it that way, and it connects our practice to the land around us a bit more. Of course, we got a bit of weather today, but instead of snow it was rain, so at least that's more spring-like.

Anyway, we did a really fun and much needed casting-off-of-stuff kind of ritual. We got some eggs - the eggs themselves representing unfulfilled potential, since they're technically chickens that could-have-been-but-weren't - and wrote stuff on the eggs that we wanted to cast off. Things that we'd been carrying around with us that we needed to let go of. Then, we bound the eggs to ourselves, signifying that those things we were carrying around with us are burdening us, and then we cut the cords, and biffed those eggs as hard as we could against the frozen marsh, in an effort to rid ourselves of those things. It was a great release, and it felt really good to be getting rid of shit we no longer needed.

Then we came back inside and had some post-ritual brownies, imbued with good things we wanted to see in our lives, and drank some fairy milk. This portion of the celebration was more of a nod to the "St. Brigid's Day" kind of celebrations.

Following this we actually had a Blot, which was also really great. Since we all have drinking horns now, we each used our own horn. For some of us, it was the first time we'd used them, so it was a great way to break them in, so to speak.

So all said and done, we packed a lot of stuff in to our celebrations, but it all flowed nicely, and I think it went really well!

I've also been continuing to read through the Irish Witchcraft from an Irish Witch book, and I'm still enjoying it. The one criticism I have though, is that although she says she's going to give a pronunciation guide after each new gaelic word, she doesn't always do that. It's really frustrating to try to read something you have no idea how to pronounce, especially when you know that it's going to sound nothing like how you would expect it to sound. When this happens, I usually skip over the word altogether. The other thing I'm not a huge fan of is that she only gives the pronunciations once, which is annoying because you then have to flip back and forth to find it again, because there's no real guide, index, or glossary in the book. I've actually taken to writing the pronunciations down on a separate piece of paper and reading with that in-hand as well. I mean, if you see a word often enough, you'll remember how to say it, but the majority of the time you won't if it's pages, sometimes chapters, apart (which is normally is). I guess that's a few criticisms though...lol!

I also got a few new books to add to my growing collection...

These ones I don't imagine I'll get to very soon, only because I think I'll be a little longer reading my current book because of the pronunciation issues I've been having. Sorry the photo is a bit blurry - they're The Mabinogion by Sioned Davies and The Mist-Filled Path by Frank MacEowan. I'm continuing the celtic-y theme, in case you couldn't tell. The next few books I hope to get will also be along these lines, but I also still really want to read By Land, Sky, and Sea. I'll get to it eventually.

I guess that's it for now! Sorry I haven't been posting many updates lately...2015 is starting off more rocky than I'd have liked. Here's hoping that changes soon!

Books'n'Things

Just wanted to pop in with a bit of an update...

So those are the books I got with the gift cards I got for Christmas, hence we've been calling it "Bookmas". I can't take the credit for coming up with that term though...

Anyway, I've started reading the Ancient Legends book first, and then I think I'll move on to Meeting the Other Crowd, because I think the two may tie in well together, and then I'll finish up the trifecta with Irish Witchcraft. So far it's been a really interesting read - she claims that may of the Irish folklore and superstitions actually have Iranian and Persian backgrounds:

                      All other countries have been repeatedly overwhelmed by alien tribes and peoples and races, but the Irish have remained unchanged, and in place of adopting readily the usages of invaders they have shewn such remarkable powers of fascination that the invaders themselves became Hibernicis ipsis Hiberniores. The Danes held the east coast of Ireland for three hundred years, yet there is no trace of Thor or Odin or the Frost Giants, or of the Great World-serpent in Irish legend; but if we go back in the history of the world to the beginning of things, we come upon the true ancient source of Irish legend, and find that the original materials have been but very slightly altered, while amongst other nations the ground-work has been overlaid with a dense palimpsest of their own devising, suggested by their particular local surroundings. - Page 7, Ancient Legends, Mystic Charms, and Superstitions of Ireland. Lady Wilde. 

I realize the book is quite old, but she's got some valid points about this. Why is there no mention of the Norse gods when the Danes held the east coast for so long?  It's an interesting thought for sure, and one that I might explore further once I'm done.

Switching gears to the IDGAF front...

We were on the local radio station CKDU again last week, talking about IDGAF - the process of joining, our journeys this far, dispelling some rumours, that kind of thing. Unfortunately I wasn't able to be on the show this time because I couldn't get the night off work, but a dedicant of ours was able to make it on, and Drew got to go on this time, so that's good. It sounded like it went well, which is always great. With 4 dedicants and 5 initiated members, I think we've certainly had a great first year. I'm excited to see where the next year takes us! 

On a personal level - I've got two crested gecko gecko eggs due to hatch near the end of next week, which is always exciting, and I've also got some transitional job stuff happening at the moment. I don't want to go in to a lot of detail because the dust hasn't settled, so to speak, but it's all kind of exciting and stressful at the same time. 

OH! I almsot forgot to mention...over the weekend I was out with a friend and happened to stumble upon something I really didn't think I'd ever feel the need to have...

Yes folks, that's a drinking horn. I still have to clean it out and make it all shiny and whatnot, but it's pretty awesome just the same. I had one of those moments...when you see something laying there that catches your eye, so you go to pick it up, and then it's like the clouds part in the sky and a ray of light comes down from the heavens to shine upon you holding said item, complete with some kind of angelic chorus in the background. It totally happened to me when I picked this up for a closer look. I knew it had to be mine. It's weird though, because as interesting as I find Heathenry, I'm not overly drawn towards it at the moment, though that could change.

So I think that's all from me for now. I'm still reading and doing my thang', as always - even if I don't come on here and update all that often. Hopefully everyone is having a great start to the new year! See you 'round next time! 

A Little New Year's Catch-Up

Happy New Year everyone! I know we're just about a week in, but it's still not too late for well-wishes.

I've been lacking on the blog posts lately, but since we're having a lazy Sunday at my place I figured I'd pop in for an update.

Our holidays were a bit different than normal this year, but were still good overall, and were also surprisingly quiet. The lead-up had us pretty busy, but with Yule and Christmas so close together it sort of comes with the territory.

On the book front, I've still been slowly picking away at that Albertsson (Alec) book, To Walk A Pagan Path. I'm still throughly enjoying it, and would highly recommend it to someone looking for a book to get them back into the swing of things. I find that it's complimented IDGAF really well, and I enjoy the fact he admits his biases and then gives alternative suggestions that aren't based on his tradition. He essentially gives you ideas of how to involve your spirituality in everyday life, from brining plants in to your home to creating mini daily rituals (say a few words over your morning coffee, etc). I've stalled reading it a bit because for some strange reason, I've been on a bit of a Pokemon kick lately. (yeah, yeah, I know. But my wife got me into it, and I'm actually kind of enjoying it)

I've also got a few new books coming in, hopefully this week (Yay for bookmas!). I chose to go with a theme, which is Irish Witchcraft. I've been curious about it while reading through that Albertsson book. It's something I've been a bit interested about for a while, and although I don't have a lot of hard-fast proof that I've got some Irish heritage, I would be extremely surprised if I don't - my father has head-to-toe freckles and is very much a redhead, as was his father, and his mother's madden name apparently has Irish origins. (I've also got a lot of British background - my father's dad was born in England) So I did a quick Google search, and came up with a few titles, 3 of which are due here by Thursday (the others will have to wait for more gift cards, lol). Ancient Legends, Mystic Charms, and Superstitions of Ireland by Lady Wilde, Irish Witchcraft from An Irish Witch by Lora O'Brien, and Meeting the Other Crowd by Eddie Lenihan. The first two are old, but I'm okay with that. The last one is people's accounts of encountering faeries, and I think that one is a bit dated too. Either way, I'm hoping these books will give me a bit of an idea of what makes Irish Witchcraft Irish, aside from it's adherents being Irish or living there. I'd also like to look into Slavic Paganism a little bit too, once I'm done with these books. Unless of course, I get so taken by these that I loose interest.

We did the initiation ritual for fourth founding member of IDGAF last week, and I think it went really well. It was short and sweet, and to the point, and we're all really proud of him for having gotten through whole the process. Speaking of initiations, our first "seeker" did her initiation last week as well! So it's been a pretty exciting week for us IDGAFians.

I guess that's all I've got for now. OH! I got a leather working kit from my wife for Christmas, so I'm pretty excited to really delve into that. I think I'm going to be adorning my staff with a few small bits of tooled leather once I get the hang of it. So far, I haven't done much with it, but I've got a practice piece ready and waiting. Just thought I'd mention that, because I might put up a few photos down the road.

Enjoy the rest of your week!

What's in a Face?

So this has absolutely nothing to do with the current trend of my blog, but I just needed somewhere to rant about this, and this is convenient place to do so.

 I've had two people on my Facebook friends list posting about food-related things in the past week. The first was a video from a vegetarian. She shared a video of a small child refusing to eat the octopus his mom had made for dinner because he doesn't think that we should eat things because it means they have to die. That's cool, but his mom just says "ok, we won't eat meat anymore" instead of explaining to her son about food chains and the circle of life and all that jazz. It was a cute video, and I think it was intended to get people to lean towards the feelings of mom, but it had the opposite effect on me.

Then just tonight I saw a status update that made me want to comment, but I held my tongue in favour of coming on here.

Apparently a local pub was spit-roasting a pig outside this afternoon, and someone was grossed out by that (I'm sure it was more than just one person).

Our society has become so disassociated with the food we eat it's disgusting. Especially when it comes to meat.

Maybe the fact that the animal still looked like an animal and wasn't cut up in to small convenient pieces is what did it, but how do people not know that the pork chop they've got in their fridge was just a small part of that roasting pig? Is it because it's still got its face attached? Probably.

I'm sorry people, but if you're eating a steak, or a lamb burger, or a pork chop, that meat was once a walking, breathing animal with a "cute" face. It's a fact of life. In order for us to live, something has to die, whether it be a plant or an animal, or a freaking berry. Maybe it's because I'm pagan, but I have a deep-seeded respect for the food I eat because I'm acutely aware of this. In order for my life to be sustained, something had to die for me whether it was slaughtered or forcibly removed from the ground or a plant. I am very grateful every single day for the food I eat because of this.

Also, how is roasting a turkey or whole chicken any different than seeing a pig roast? There's no face on a chicken or turkey when you pop it in the oven. Why does the presence of a face automatically make something untouchable? What about fish?

I have no answer to this, but I wholeheartedly believe that if that pig had its legs and head removed before being put on that spit, that people would have been just fine seeing it.