My First Vlog

I know it's pretty crazy, but here it is! My first ever attempt at making a video of myself. Enjoy!

I hope everyone is doing well, and I'll see you guys real soon (maybe even in video form)!

"Things fall apart/the centre cannot hold" - Yeats

That has kind of been my life for the past 3-4 months. Nonetheless, welcome to 2016! I had high hopes but the first bit kinda sucked, I'm not going to lie. Now that we've crash landed into it and things may finally be calming down, I thought I would pick up the scattered pieces of my life that lay strewn about and try to put them together - one of those pieces is this blog. 

Let me give you the run down.

As I'm sure many of you already know, Heather and I bought a house back in November. The process started at the end of September and went into October. After some really frustrating hiccups during that process, we moved in mid-November. The move was by far the most jarring one I've ever had, and that day was a bit of a hot mess for sure, but in the end, regardless of how many tears were shed, we had a house. And it is our house.

We were just starting to get settled in, when we went on vacation in early December. We hadn't planned  on taking a vacation at all last year (or any time in the near future for that matter), but it kind of fell into our laps at the end of last summer, so we couldn't refuse it. We knew we would be leaving some boxes and stuff to unpack when we got home, which was fine. Not exactly how we'd hoped things would go, but that's life, isn't it?

Our trip was fantastic - an awesome break from the craziness that had been happening in our lives. We got to see some friends, that, although we don't see very often at all, are kind of like family now. 

The real shittyness happened pretty much as soon as we got home.

Both Heather and I got sick on the last day or so of our vacation so that by the time we got home, we were in full blown sickness mode. I ended up with a sinus infection, and Heather had one heck of a nasty head cold. We both missed some work because of it, and once we started feeling better we were finally able to start thinking about the first Christmas in our new home.

I started to put up our little Christmas tree and got out the tote of decorations, and just when things were starting to feel like home and plans for a family Christmas dinner at our house were made, all of that fell apart. 

We were taking out our old couch to make way for a new one that we'd bought and was supposed to be getting delivered the next day, when Heather noticed something in the folds of the couch. It was a bedbug. A small one - not even an adult, as we would come to find out - but that one tiny bug threw any plans we had made right out the window. We found it on December 22. That close to Christmas, no one was able to come and spray our place, but we were able to get a guy in with sniffer dogs. They both reacted positively to a small spot around where the bug was found, so we decided to go ahead and get someone in to spray with chemicals. 

Heather was a mess. It was her worst nightmare come to life. Literally. 

We were essentially living out of ziploc bags for nearly a month. Every time we came in or went out of the house, Heather had to run everything through the dryer. We even had to find temporary homes for our reptiles (which we are still so thankful for). To say it sucked is putting it mildly. 

Once the pest control officer came out and sprayed, he was able to confirm that it was likely just the one bug - there were absolutely no signs of anything else. That was peace of mind enough for me, but Heather was still scarred from it, and will likely always be to a certain point. She is doing a lot better now though, and is about back to her regular self. Our house still vaguely smells like the chemicals the guy sprayed in some spots though, an unwanted reminder of some of the darkest days we've spent together.

Once we were done with the chemical treatments (only 2), we got our new couch delivered, and slowly started getting our lives back in order. We were able to cook in the kitchen again, we could be in the living room and not be afraid, and we could start to finish unpacking, and finally, the ziploc bags went away.

It's taken us this long to get our office mostly in order, and to finally get our ritual room put together. 

I cannot tell you what it's been like for me to not have an altar set up - to not have a place to focus on. It sucked a lot. It's been almost 5 months since I've had an altar set up, and let me tell you, I did not feel right for those 5 months. I might even go so far to say I may have been a bit depressed. I'm not sure how that works because I'm not very familiar with it, but now that I was able to put the final touches on the alter last night, I feel like a fog has been lifted. Everything seems brighter, more vibrant. Even though I was up at 5:45 this morning, I was okay with it - not tired and reluctant to get out of bed. It's like night and day.

So, with that, here's a closer look at my "new" altar.

So I've got a few things going on, as you can see. The main alter has 3 components.

The top level, if you will, is my working altar. It's where the magic happens (literally! Teehee). Anything I need to charge, any spell I cast or sachet I make, or anything I need to do really, is done there. It's got representations of all of the elements, plus an offering dish.

The middle level is kind of a placeholder spot. It's stuff I want to have quick and easy access to, but I don't always use. Things that don't really have a spot otherwise, but I want to keep out.

The bottom level is my ancestor alter. This is a new section that I've been wanting to set up for ages, and I'm actually really excited about it. Originally I had envisioned it as one of the little side altars, but I couldn't figure out how to get photos on there, so after a bit of thinking I re-worked it ever so slightly and came up with this idea. I really like how it's turning out, but I'm not quite done yet. I need to sort through some old photos and pay a visit to my parents house before it will feel "done", I think.

And this is my meditation altar. It's a tad on the cluttered side, so I may tweak this one as well. Originally I wanted it on my main alter, but had to re-work it slightly and so this is how it ended up. I think it will do just fine though. 

So this is my "healing" altar, which is another new addition. I had the idea to set one up after a ritual I went to for Yule. It's very simplistic, and it's going to take a little work to be "done", so for now it's super bare bones. I really just wanted to have a candle, preferably a 7-day candle, and a dish or something that I could put people's names in (for people that have asked for good vibes or healing or that kind of thing). I'd like to spruce it up a bit more than that, so this might be another one that evolves more consistently. 

So there we go, my new space all set up! Finally! And on top of that, I'm feeling a bit more like my normal self. I think maybe it has something to do with having that space set up, but it could also be that we've been cooking in our kitchen again, and the majority of our animals are back. I've been noticing that the days are getting longer as well, so that could be helping too, I dunno. Either way, I'm crossing my fingers that there are brighter days ahead. 

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*Note* I wrote this last weekend and didn't get around to posting this until now because I wrote it as a note on my phone and then had to e-mail it to myself, then I copied and pasted the e-mail here. I'm not sure what Blogger didn't like about that, but it obviously didn't like something. Sorry for the odd white "halo" around the text, but hopefully I can fix it somehow. 

Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

Hey Everyone!

I'm just popping in to say that I'm still alive and well, despite being rather quiet.

My summer has been going well, and been keeping me busy. The weather here has gotten more seasonal but now it's bordering on being a bit too hot for my liking. It seems like we have extremes here - cold or hot, and only just a little bit of in-between time. The humidity is what really does me in though, and right now it's really bad. I hate feeling like I'm swimming in the air, and today I feel exactly as though I'm doing that. It seems that no matter what we do to try and keep our apartment a decent temperature, nothing works. I know this will change soon though, so I won't complain too loudly about it.

On a personal level, my spiritual practice is also still alive and well, though not as active as I would like it. I really like having my altar in its new spot - I pay more attention to it overall, and it just feels more mine, if that make sense. Our little household altar could use some sprucing up though, so hopefully we'll be able to get to that this weekend.

I'd like to be doing more meditations, on the whole, but I just haven't been in that mindset for the past few weeks. It's just too warm, and when I get home I usually have to do some domesticated adult things, before making supper (after I've had time to check my Facebook and e-mails, of course) and then some getting time to myself before having to head to bed. I'm usually tired, and it's late, so meditating isn't a great idea at that point. I'm really going to try and make it a priority to do that on my days off. Well, Monday really. I have less to do on Mondays than I do on Sundays usually.

Holiday celebrations have been going well for my coven. Lammas went really well, and was the first ritual a coven-mate ever did, so it was a really exciting time. It was all about celebrating one another, and thanking one another for what we all bring to the table, so-to-speak. We all got to make different kinds of breads too, which was fun. I always love when rituals involve food :P I don't necessarily know this would have been an idea I would have had for a ritual, so it's also been really great to have all the different perspectives from everyone for things like this. It's actually one of the things I enjoy most about working in a coven - all the little things that everyone brings to the group, and how different we all are, but also how well we all work together even though we are so varied. I'm pretty excited to see what's in store for the next one!

So I know I was talking about a Christopher Penczak workshop a while back. I'd been looking forward to it quite a bit, but unfortunately it got cancelled. They needed to have a certain number of people signed up for the workshop by August 1 in order to get his travel stuff secured, and that was unfortunately not able to happen. In my opinion, it was a pricy workshop. The only reason I was able to sign up was because of the taxman. It was good timing for me. I paid the early-bird price, and I still think it was a bit much. I mean, I understand where the cost was coming from, but when I'm paying that kind of money for a weekend it would be nice to have something physical to take away at the end of it. The organizers are hoping to try again in 2017, after they've had time to establish themselves a bit more, so hopefully I'm able to sign up for it then. I really enjoy his works, so it would have been awesome.

Because I usually take some money from my tax return for a new tattoo each year, when I got the refund for that workshop, I was able to "re-invest" it into a new tattoo. I'd been wanting this one for probably around 10 years, so I was really excited to finally be able to get it.

As you can see, it's The Hermit tarot card. I got it done by the same guy that did my key - Anthony Robicheau, and he did it in the watercolour style. It turned out better than I could have imagined, and I'm so happy to have it on my arm permanently!!! I still smile when I look down at at, and I haven't even had it for 2 weeks yet. 

The Hermit has a lot of meaning for me. It's actually my birth card (when you use the add-up-your-birthday-and-reduce-to-a-number-less-than-21 method), but it I've always liked the imagery of it. I've been telling my co-workers (or anyone that asks) to think of him like Yoda, when Luke when to search him out on Dagoba. That wizened sage-type character that's removed himself from society and the hustle and bustle of daily life. He's the guide that can help show you the path and help to light your way along it, but he won't do the work for you - that's all on you. He's already been there, and done that. I also kind of have a thing for lanterns, so it's been an aesthetically pleasing image for me as well. 

So yeah - that's been me lately. Friends of mine that I met last summer from Orlando, Florida came up last week for a fundraiser, so it was awesome getting to hang out with them a bit more and see them all again. It's funny. I've never met people that I've intrinsically had such a strong connection to (aside from Heather of course). It's like we're on the same wavelength and I've known them forever - we just "click". It's funny how life works. I'm so blessed and so lucky on so many levels.  <3 

Something Old is New Again

So remember my post a little while ago about my wrist tattoo? Well, today was its big day. Here is what it looks like now...

This is my take on the #covenkey tattoo. I can't believe I just used a hashtag...I kind of feel dirty now...LOL!

Anyway, as you can see it's a moth sitting atop a skeleton key, with vines wrapped around it, so that it ties into my existing tattoo. I LOVE it!

Moths are big for me. I see them all over the place - literally. They're always flying into me when I'm out for a walk at night, and even on the brightest of days I'll have them flutter past. Butterflies are big for me too, but lately moths have been more prevalent. We even had one in our apartment in the dead of winter after a big snowstorm in February. I have a framed Atlas Moth near my altar (google them - they're huge and so pretty!), and a bunch of framed butterflies around the apartment as well. I'm not quite sure what it is about them that calls to me so strongly, but there's just something about them...or, perhaps there's something about me that draws them in. That particular moth is based on a Spanish Moon Moth, but has the colouring more like a Luna Moth.

Sitting around a kitchen table a few weeks back, the idea was floated around that the members of my coven all get matching tattoos. We were pretty excited about the idea, and chose keys to be the common theme. We would all get skeleton keys, but they would be individualized to suit our personalities. Right away I wanted to get a key that was made out of gnarled tree branches. I thought it would look really cool, and I might be able to tie it into my existing tattoo. Then I thought about getting one that had an abstract shape of a human skull at the top, but I finally settled on a moth, and the rest is history! I won't tell the story of everyone else's key, nor will I share their photos in this post. That is their tale to tell, not mine.

Keys are an interesting symbol. Having a key gives you the power to unlock that which is hidden. It also provides you with a feeling of safety - you can lock up your valuables so no one else has access to them. It can also give you a feeling of exclusivity - not everybody is going to have access to everything that key unlocks. They're also mysterious - what does that key unlock, exactly? It was a combination of this and a few other things that made it a good choice for us.

The only thing about tattoos (for me at least), is that every time I get one, it gives me a thirst for more...

Let the Rains Fall Down

I know it may seem impossible, but every now and then try to stop and enjoy the simple things in life.

We had a gorgeous morning here in Halifax, but that turned into a grey, foggy, rainy day. It was a beautiful day.

We went for a walk knowing that it would likely start raining as we were half way through. The sky had turned angry quickly, with intensely dark looming clouds, and a cool wind that carried moisture on its breath. Armed with our light rain jackets, we set off. Sure enough, just as we were fawning over the cutest teeniest ducklings I've seen in a while the sky opened up - a light sprinkle at first, gradually becoming more intense as the minutes wore on.

We were at a marsh with a large body of water, and as soon as the rain started falling it was like I woke up. Instantly the hum of the traffic from the nearby busy street faded away, and amidst the sweet sing-song of the birds that call that marsh home, I heard the most amazing sound of the light rain hitting the water. It was a very soft almost indescribable sound. It was kind of like white noise, but more alive. It was so rejuvenating, refreshing, and energizing to me. It wasn't just the sound of the rain hitting the marsh, it was the sensation of the rain hitting me, seeing it fall on the trees, and splashing on the ground around us. It was the smell that the rain brought with it, fresh and green. Drenched as I was, it was the most alive I'd felt in months.

Back home with a renewed sense of vitality, I decided today would be the day I move my altar - and so I did. It was in our bedroom and in a spot I wasn't a fan of to begin with, so I was disconnected from it for a while. Getting rid of an old desk in our office opened up lovely spot for me, so tonight I turned that into my own little nook of sorts. Here's the in-progress photo, and the "after".

I say the second photo is the "after" photo because I'd like to put a mat down on the floor or something. I kind of feel like it needs that to finish it off. I'd also like to have something on the wall behind my "secondary" altar, so until I can get those things this is the finished product. 

I love the feel of it, and I really like how I have my books and stuff right next to me when I'm doing stuff. It's not a huge space, but I think it's a great size for me. I also LOVE that I can have my altar set up next to a window again. I've really missed having that since I moved out of my parents place *cough*a few years ago*cough*. 

So, I know the photos are a bit small so it's hard to see everything, but I'll try to explain a little about the set-up just the same. The altar that's got the pink sarong on it is my main working altar. It's the one I'll sit in front of to do, well, pretty much everything. The one that's off to the side is a secondary altar that holds my statuary and tools and my bits of stuff, if that makes any sense. It's not where I'm focusing my energy all the time, but it's a spot where I can still display the things I'd like to have on display, and I thought that if I wanted to get into making more seasonal altars, I could use this secondary one to do that. I like to have a lot of the same stuff on my working altar all the time, so it's hard for me to want to dress it up seasonally.

So yeah, today was a great recharging day for me. I highly encourage everyone to get outside and get caught in the rain every now and again. Not all the time - I get that you don't want to be soaking wet on your way to work, or if it's cold out, or whatever - but sometimes it's fun to play in the rain.

Skin Deep

Tattoos are forever. Pigment forced deep into the skin by a painful, rhythmic process. A physical reminder of a time, a space, a feeling.

Tattoos have been around for thousands of years - the concept is not new - permanently marking the skin for cosmetic, religious, or cultural reasons.

I have many tattoos. They are a part of who I am, and will be, for the rest of my days. They are the permanent flags on the pages of my physical book. When I look at each one, I can tell you how I was feeling, who I was with, and where I was at that particular moment. My tattoos are an outward expression of myself, my true self. I will never forget what events led up to each one, and they all have a story to tell.

My first tattoo is turing 10 this year, a milestone to be sure. I feel the same way about it today as I did 10 years ago, if not more so. No regrets are to be found here. It is a purple triple goddess symbol )O( , with a pentacle in the middle, and vines wrapped around it.

*Note: This is what I see when I look down at my wrist - everyone else sees the pentacle pointing the "right" way*

I chose this to be my first tattoo because I wanted to get something meaningful to me that I could see every day. For me it was a statement: this is who I am. It was a way to reaffirm my beliefs and to offer myself and my dedication to my chosen path. That path has only become more solidified over the years, growing new off-shoots at the same time. This year I have changed - a lot - and so my tattoo is changing with me.

In two and a half weeks time I will be adding to my tattoo: a symbol of knowledge, mystery, and power. Along with it will come a sense of kinship and camaraderie. I am excited and nervous, just as I was when I got it 10 years ago. Regardless of where life takes me in the next 10 years - or 20 or 30 - this tattoo will be coming with me, and with it, the memories.

Another random update

Since I've kinda been MIA for a little while, I figured I'd come on here and fix that.

This weekend was filled with activity for me - literally. Yesterday I was up and out early, for a walk with my wife in a nearby park, called Hemlock Ravine. It's a great spot to walk around, with lots of old growth and large hemlocks. You can really recharge after taking a stroll through one of the many trials in there. We were there for about an hour and a half before leaving to head back into civilization.

Once I got back home I didn't have long before I had to leave again, this time because I was headed to the Bluenose Marathon to walk the 5k. I signed up through my work, and I'm really glad I did. This was my third 5k, but my first time in the Bluenose Marathon (today was the full marathon, half marathon, and 10k). I was extremely overwhelmed with the people and, well, everything about it really. The other two "races" I was in before were very small, so it was a bit of a shock to come from that to this. I had a great time though, and I am definitely going to do it again next year. Though, next year I won't do it with work because I want to try to get a team together for another cause.

Today I was able to sleep in a bit, but then my wife and I headed back to Hemlock Ravine because we didn't get to do much exploring yesterday before we had to leave. By the time we headed out of the park we'd spent 3 hours in there. So I was pretty busy today combined with yesterday.

Beltane was marked by a feast this year, and painting some phallic symbols to decorate our altars with. It was a good time all-around, and there was tons of great food. I got to take the day off work and weather was actually really great too, which was nice, because it'd been pretty cold and gross up until that point.

I finally finished a few books recently that I started months ago. I'm not reading anything at the moment, because I'm not sure what I want to read next! I know I want to read The Mighty Dead (Penczak) but I may wait a little longer before I start it, I'm not sure. I'd also like to continue reading my Irish-y type books, so I may pick up another one of those instead.

I don't really have much more to add to that, I think. For the most part, I'm just enjoying the nicer weather as much as I can, which translates into me being outside more.

I'm sorry this post was all over the place, but it's fitting because I've kind of been all over the place too. Until next time!