So long and thanks for all the fish, 2017!

Well, where do I begin?! 

Firstly, I hope everyone has had an awesome holiday season - regardless of what you celebrate - and that you were all able to take some time to enjoy the season or just to relax and unwind a bit. I know I may not be overly present in everyone’s lives, but know that you are in my thoughts just the same. My life has a way of getting away on me, and I find that I get caught up doing the same things, and then all of a sudden the year has passed me by and here we are. 

For me, 2017 was a pretty decent year in a lot of ways, but it certainly wasn’t without ups and downs. The biggest thing for me this year was going through the W1 training with the Temple of Witchcraft. When the class started in October of 2016, there were 7 local people in the class, but just 3 of us finished the course. It’s kind of sad to see that so many people ended up stepping down from it, but if it’s something they really felt drawn to, I think that they’ll go back to it when the time is right. I consider this to be a huge accomplishment for me, though. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for years but I let money get in the way and so I didn’t really even try to consider that it could be something I could do. I’m really grateful for all of the experiences I had with it, and for all of the people I met along the way. I knew I felt a connection to the tradition when I first found it, back in its infancy - I think only the first 2 Temple books had been published at that point - and so it’s humbling to be able to say that I am now apart of it. I’m also really excited to say that I get to continue my studies with the Temple in March, when the next W2 class starts. I’ve come so far already, so I’m really interested to see where this next course takes me. 

In keeping a with the Temple tradition, I was able to get to Templefest again this past August. It was in a new spot - at a retreat centre, complete with cabins, dorms, and on-site food. I have to say that I did miss the old spot, but the new location was quite nice, and I will be happy to get back there next August - although I’m not exactly sure how I’ll be getting there. I met a lot of awesome people though, so I’m hoping that I’ll get to reconnect with them again next year. 

I’m still at the same job that I was this time last year, and I’m ready for a change. It’s not the absolute worst, but it was really only meant to be a bridge until I found something a little better, but that just hasn’t happened. Not for lack of trying though. I think I’ve had 3 or 4 job interviews this past year, none of which panned out, unfortunately. It sucks, but I’m hoping it means that 2018 will bring me a career that I will be happy with, instead of a job I can tolerate. I really need a higher paying job though...money is really starting to become an issue for us, all because my job pays me half (ish) of what Heather’s job pays her. I’ve also still been getting split days off, and although the past 2 weeks or so I’ve been getting mostly 8-4 shifts, my schedule has been all over the board. It’s time for something better. 

There were some familial losses in 2017, mostly late in the year, and the latest of which wasn’t actually my relative, but a relative of my childhood friends. She was a wonderful woman, who had been living with ALS for the better part of 5 years I think, if not longer. The one that hit me hardest though, and is still hard for me to wrap my head around, was an amazing man whom I’d not seen in almost 15 years. He was the kind of guy that would give the shirt on his back to a stranger if they needed it, and you could see that in the way he smiled - in the way his eyes twinkled. We didn’t know he was sick until he was gone, and for the past few years I’d really wanted to go down to that part of the province and visit those relatives, so that’s just making it harder for me to deal with. The silver lining in all of that, was that I was able to see many relatives at the funeral I hadn’t seen in a very long time - some of whom I wasn’t sure were still around. It’s sad that it took a loss to get us all together again, but it seems like the older I get the more and more that happens.

On a slightly strange, yet happier note, our family grew by a member this year. Her name is Scarlet O’hairy...and, with too many legs and eyes, she is an animal I never thought I would see within the confines of my walls. But, here we are, with a tarantula sitting atop a gecko tank. During my work with W1 I discovered - much to my dismay - that one of my guides is tarantula. You don’t have to know me for long to realize how much I dislike spiders, so to have a pet one is pretty absurd. I was at the local reptile expo back at the end of October (may as well say it was November), and a snake breeder who has an interest in tarantulas had a few with him. He was clearing some specimens out of his collection to make way for a bunch of new ones he was getting, and after an internal debate, some talks with a friend that works at a zoo, and the approval of my wife, I made the guy an offer. It’s been an interesting road so far, but with any luck she’s as happy as she can be in her new home. It’s something I’ve been keeping quiet about, because as unusual as a pet as she is, it’s really weird for me of all people to have her. I just don’t want to have to explain myself over and over to people that don’t really get why I have her. The main reason is to help me work out my irrational fear of spiders, but I also want to try and work more closely with an animal ally, even if it means not really being able to physically interact with her much. 

So yeah...2017. Had some great moments, and had some shitty moments, but all in all it wasn’t a bad year for me. Something else that happened, which I forgot to mention, was that my brother got engaged! It surprised us all, but we’re really happy for him.  

So here’s to 2018 and to the hope of a wonderful new year, not just for me, but for everyone! <3 

Energy Illness?

I'm finally starting to feel back to normal again - I came down with a cold/flu type thing about a week ago today, actually. The worst part about it was that it totally zapped my energy. I mean, zapped. It was very strange too - normally when I get something it starts in my sinuses and goes in to my chest after a few days, but this was the total opposite. The thing that makes matters even worse when I get sick, is that for some really strange reason, I go from sleeping really well to sleeping quite terribly. I'm not sure if it's that the cold pills that usually make people sleepy, actually have the opposite affect on me, or if it's because I'm coughing or my nose is stuffed or what, but I was lucky to get a few hours sleep a night, it felt like. But, come morning time, I could sleep like a baby. I wonder if it's because when I get sick my system gets completely thrown off and some things work backwards?

Anyway, because I was feeling so terribly for the past week it was a chore for me to do just about anything, and that includes writing or doing anything remotely witchy. I mean, I had to force myself to type up my homework, and the only motivating factor for me to do anything over the past few days even (because I still felt poorly until today) was because my mom had a knee replacement on Monday. I feel okay speaking about it now because it's already happened, and I'm pretty sure other family members know now. She forbad me to speak about it to anyone until after it had happened, so I had to keep quiet.

I had a great daily practice happening before I got sick though, and then it all went to shit. Now that I'm feeling more myself, I'm feeling like I can finally get back to things.

It has me wondering though...what happens, on an energetic level, when we get sick? Like...physically our bodies are fighting off the virus or whatever it is, so there are many biological processes happening to make sure that we fight off whatever is invading our system, and that's the reason we might get fevers or feel so tired and worn out, but on an energetic level, what is happening? Is the virus impeding our ability to 'transmit' our unique signal out in to the universe or something? Does it change the frequency at which we vibrate, thereby having an impact on something? I dunno...maybe that's all just crazy talk, but if there are biological processes happening, then maybe there are energetic ones happening too? And maybe it's the combination of the two that makes us feel so off when we come down with something? And - if that is the case - shouldn't we be able to somehow be less affected by it if we can recognize what's happening? But...if you just don't have the energy to muster in the physical sense, then how could you have the energy to do something in the non-physical sense...if that makes sense at all?

All very intriguing thoughts to me.

In other news, I've downloaded an app called DuoLingo and I'm starting...key word is starting...to learn Irish. It's slow going, but I'm starting to recognize some patterns I think. It's actually kind of fun! It's just 5 or 10 minutes a day, but I really look forward to it. There are a bunch of different languages on it, so that's pretty cool, I think. I might try another language at some point when I feel like I can devote more time to it. I don't want to start this and then let my W1 stuff slide because of it. I'm actually trying to incorporate it in somehow...like, doing a lesson as a part of my daily practice.

Anyway, I think I'm going to head off for the night. There's a ChipsAhoy! cream egg with my name on it, and I still have to do today's language lesson.

Happy March!

Until next time!

Vets and Stres and Dreams oh my!

So it's been a few days since I've updated on here, but I've still been writing. I just hadn't gotten a chance to get to the computer to actually make the updates. Here are the past few days that I did though...

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So I promise I wrote this on the 20th...I just didn't get to post it until today.

The reason I didn't post/write it earlier is because a friend came over before work and I wanted to catch up rather than write.

Anyway, I got my homework back for last month and I apparently forgot to include something. I really didn't think it was homework to be turned in, I thought it was a journal thing, so I feel badly that I didn't get it right. They were really nice about it though, and just said to include it in this month's stuff, so I'm glad for that.

I hate writing on my phone so this will be quick, because "I" keeps changing to "u" and it's really frustrating.

Anyway, it's been a good day. I did seasonal set up at work tonight because we have an important guy coming in to the store tomorrow and it needs to be done. Normally there are 3 people working on it, on backshift, for 2 12 hour shifts. Tonight it was just me. Hopefully I got enough done on it, but it's not my fault for not having it more done  than it is. I'm only 1 person.

I know this is kind of a pathetic entry, but I wanted to write something to say I did. 

Until next time!

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Another day where I didn't update on the day that I'm writing this, but again, I promise it's the 21st! I'll even take a photo to prove it!

Anyway, today was good. I played some Rock Band this morning for the first time in quite a while, but I've been dreaming about playing instruments that I used to play, so this gives me a false sense of playing something :P Not sure what that's all about, but there it is.

My day at work wasn't too bad, so that was a plus, and I was off an hour earlier than the rest of my shifts this week, so that's nice too. Normally I'd have just gotten on the bus.

I took the bus home with a co-worker tonight which was really nice actually, because we had a conversation about dreams. I found out he used to experiment with lucid dreaming a while back, which I thought was really cool to learn! In talking with him it made me realize that I have some hidden talent in my dreaming. I know that sounds weird, but, it's like things came easier to me than they did for him, and I dunno, it's like things that he had to work at, I didn't have to. I'm very grateful for this! 

As a child I had a lot of very vivid dreams (and I still do), but I also had a lot of nightmares. It was to the point where I would sleep with my light on, and my mom even got her friend to help me. I remember sleeping with a Bible under my pillow, and a little beach stone with a happy face drawn on it (I presume, to help fight off the bad dreams). I also remember that one of the first things I ever bought from Little Mysteries was a dream pillow, because at that time, I was having issues with insomnia. 

I guess even though some of my dreams are gory (chopping off a guy's head with an axe gory) or scary, I'm really lucky I remember them in the detail that I do (though not all the time), and I'm really lucky to even have them at all. I really do miss dreaming when I don't...though, I suppose I still do when I "don't", it's just that I don't remember my dreams on those nights. 

So with that, I'll leave you for the night. Since I'm not working tomorrow, I should hopefully be able to get to my computer to post these past two entries. 

Until next time!

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There we have it! All caught up. And now, on to today.

I've decided that I will be making and charging a protection charm on Sunday. I've already got a few things together, but I'll hopefully be able to get the rest of it tomorrow before work. I'd also like to do a healing thing for a family member on Sunday as well, so hopefully I can combine the two.

I had today off, and while it was really great to re-charge this morning, the rest of the day proved to be a lot busier than I had planned. I started the day a lot earlier than I was anticipating, but I also ended up dozing on the couch for a bit before I really got going. I had to make an appointment for one of our cats to see the vet because it looked like there was blood in his urine again. It turned out that the tests came back just fine, and that it's likely just a random flare up of his cystitis (I think that's what she said it was anyway). It was relieving to hear. 

My brother's partner's dog also had bathroom issues today, so I helped him take the dog to the vet. I actually spent a lot more time with him today than I have in a while - my brother that is, not the dog :P It was kind of nice getting to hang out, even if it wasn't exactly the best circumstances. The dog seems to be okay, in case you're wondering.  

I'm afraid today's post isn't going to be the most enlightening thing I've ever written, but I feel pretty drained. Stress from two animal health issues is enough for one day, and I think that's contributing to why I'm feeling so tired all of a sudden. That, or the fact that I was up just before 7 is catching up to me now that it's after 9:30. Since when did I get to be so old? :P 

I'm going to get going though, I want to get a few things tidied up before I head off to bed for the night. 

Until next time!

PS - Here's proof that those other posts were written when I said they were!

A little blurb on Witchcraft as a Religion..I mean little

It's been another lazy morning for me, but it's Sunday and I don't mind that so much. I did get some reading done though, so it wasn't all bad. 

I'm really not sure what to write about today though...I'm kind of drawing a blank. It feels like I just wrote, but on top of that all I've done so far is eat, read, and get myself dressed. 

...

Maybe I'll go to one of the questions from a few months ago and answer that...

When did you first hear about Witchcraft being a religion? How do you feel about Witchcraft as a religion?

Well, I first heard about it in grade 7 - when I was 12 - from a new friend at the time. I had just moved to a new school and she lived up the street from me, so we became friends pretty quickly. One day she told me that her sister had been a Witch and I didn't believe her. Until that point I thought witches were fictional halloween characters, that they couldn't possibly be real. A quick internet search led us to several Angelfire websites indicating that witches are very much real, and that their religion is Wicca. Keep in mind, this was around 1999 and Google wasn't really a thing yet, and Wikipedia wasn't really either, so our source material wasn't exactly the most reliable, but it's in part because of those early web searches that I'm sitting here today writing this.

It's funny looking back on my life growing up - my dad had a collection of crystals, a crystal ball, tarot cards, and a Ouija board. I had no idea what that all meant, so I didn't realize that Witchcraft was right under my nose the whole time and I didn't know it. 

Anyway, up until the last few years I would have argued that Witchcraft wasn't a religion, but that Wicca was. I would have said that Witchcraft was a practice more than a religion. After a few solid years of really delving into things, reading more, and doing more, that viewpoint has changed somewhat. 

How do I feel about it as a religion...just fine I guess XP I mean, having taken a degree in Religious Studies I feel like I have a fairly decent understanding of what constitutes religion and what's more cultural practices. Sometimes it's really hard to distinguish between the two, especially in the case of more Eastern religions, but I think that one could certainly call Witchcraft a religion apart from Wicca. You just have to look hard enough to find the differences between the two, and that's what I found to be challenging for a while. Although there's not necessarily a unifying doctrine to Witchcraft, there are governing laws that - depending on the witch - people ascribe to (see the Hermetic Principles). Without going into too much detail here, because I'm now running short on time, there are also a general set of practices and certain times that most witches will observe and do. You really just have to look at the bigger picture, and to take a step back to see it. 

Now I've got to head off - I've got a whopping 10 minutes to make sure I've got everything ready for work before I leave.

Until next time!

Breathing Space

I had a day off today!!!

I was supposed to be off on Wednesday of this week, but because of the snow, they switched things up on me a bit. I ended up having Tuesday off and working on Wednesday instead. While that wasn't a bad thing overall, I had to re-schedule the massage appointment I had for Wednesday, which was frustrating. I didn't think my back wasn't that bad because I'd just had a massage 3-ish weeks prior, so I was hoping that I could get myself back on track before things got bad again, but then I did a lot of shovelling with the storms and I ended up needing this massage a lot more than I figured I would/more than I realized I needed it.

My massage therapist works out of her house Monday-Friday and has another business she runs on weekends, so I thought that I wouldn't be able to re-scuedule until next week. It turned out that she'll be away for the next 2 weeks, so she made an exception and scheduled me in for today! How awesome was that?! So anyway, I went for my massage today, and discovered that my ribs were out of place! O.O I had no idea that things were so janked up, but she ended up doing some weird stuff to put my ribs back where they belonged, and I've got to say, I haven't been able to breathe this easy in weeks! It's kind of scary how oblivious I was to that...and it makes me wonder how much stuff is like that on a daily basis. Stuff that we just grow accustomed to and ignore because it's just so routine. Not just health related stuff, but thoughts and actions and energies...how do you change that? I don't think it's as simple as having someone crack your back - for lack of better terms - and fix things.

Anyway, the rest of the day was good. My wife and I ended up having brunch and then chatting with a friend for a while, before going home and napping and lazing about. I probably should have had a more productive day - reading - but, I think I needed the lazing.

I think that's it for me for today. I work a late shift tomorrow, and straight through until Wednesday. *sigh*

Until next time!

Ramblings

So today I'm working a later shift because I switched with someone that had something come up, so I'm writing before work instead of after. It just doesn't seem right to come home at midnight and then have to come on here - technically I'd have missed a day.

So far today has been pretty low-key. I slept in late, and when I got up I was really tired feeling, like I'm coming down with a cold. I'm also kind of achy, presumably from the shovelling. There's lots of colds and flus going around now though, and there have been a lot of people sick at work, so I've been very fortunate to make it this far without getting something. I'm hopeful I can skirt it, but I'm not holding my breath that's for sure.

I really haven't done much of anything today, so I'm not exactly sure what to write about. I went to the grocery store, but nothing overly exciting or poignant happened while I was there. I had a light breakfast though, so that I can grab a bite to eat before I have to leave for work.

I was talking to my mom for a bit this morning, which was nice. We're pretty close, but I had't spoken to her in about a week so she was feeling it. She'd heard from a mutual friend of ours who has been having a rough go of it lately. He had a shitty break up about 2 years ago, and has been trying to find someone ever since but to no avail. I felt really badly for him at the time, and it really sucks we don't live closer so we can hang out and whatnot, but from the sounds of things, the winds of change just blew his way and the universe might be helping him out. I'd really like to drop him a line and see what's up, but this took priority over that, unfortunately.

I'm nearly "done" my lesson for this month, which is nice, but I still need to do the big exercise and listen to the class notes. It's really hard only having one day off at a time - not 2 days off together - because you try and cram everything in one day and then, I'm noticing, that I feel burnt out. This past week wasn't too bad because of the snow days though, so I feel like I accomplished a lot in the past week. Plus I've started this, so that's good too.

I think that's it for now...I might go and start to listen to those notes. I find I can't really do much else when I listen to them, or else I don't absorb as much...I guess that makes sense. I can usually multi-task as good as the next person, but when it comes to something that requires a bit more attention I can really only do one thing at a time.

Until next time!

All You Need Is A Hug

Ugh.

Not the best way to start off a post/entry, but there it is.

I'm super sore from all the shovelling lately, but I think that it was particularly today's round of vigorous shovelling that did me in. I still love the snow though, no matter how messy it makes me.

I was having a pretty decent day all and all, until some stuff happened and I realized I was in a really foul mood for no apparent reason. Here's what happened: I was putting out today's order, and all was well and good. I was noticing that I was a bit on the tired side despite having had a coffee, and I assumed it was because I'd neglected to take my vitamin B12 supplement for a few days in a row. Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm sure all the shovelling I'd done earlier wasn't helping my energy levels either. Aside from the tiredness, though, I was in a good headspace. I had gotten to work really early (like 1.5 hours, because I was worried about having to wait forever for a bus), but in that time I had a bite to eat and did the crossword in today's Metro. All was well. Then I realized my co-worker was being a bit of a downer. I'm not trying to criticize her, but in an effort to explain how my mood changed so suddenly, I'm nit-picking a bit. Anyway, she was just very blah and ho-hum about things, and complaining about customers. I get it, we all have to vent. I'm sure I've done it before too. She also seemed on the tired side. But at this point I wasn't noticing that I was getting short or cranky or anything. Then, a customer came in who has been known to cause us issues, and I think that's when things started to go down hill. My co-worker was really frustrated with this person, and the customer himself was just...off. One of the managers came down to help make sure he wasn't going to cause us issues, and I could tell he was also agitated. Things got really bad shortly after that though, when we had issues with a photo kiosk and that same manager had to call IT for help. He had to keep running back and forth to the phone and the machine, and it was very apparent that he was not in a good mood. I was helping him with the issue.

It was shortly after this that I realized I was also in a rotten mood. And the more I thought about it, the more I couldn't explain why...until I examined my environment. Then I realized that the way I was feeling probably wasn't coming from me, and that I was just picking up on the mood(s) of the people around me. Once I realized this, I had no idea how to shake it. I mentioned it to another co-worker though, when he asked me how I was doing - I think he could tell I was off - and I explained to him my realization. I asked him "how do you think I can fix it?" and his reply was "with a hug - it always helps me when I'm in a shitty mood" and so we had a hug. And do you know what? In a matter of 30 minutes or so, I felt loads better. I also did some visualization which also could have helped, but by and large, I think the hug really helped to get things turned around.

So my realization of the day is: perhaps I pick up on more than I think I do in the run of a day, energetically. I'm thinking I should really start to reintegrate shielding into my daily practice to help from picking up on unwanted or emotions. I'm also thinking that I should look at ways to help swing things back around in my favour when/if this happens again. I'm sure it's happened before but I just wasn't as aware of it, especially when I'm on the bus.

Anyway, I should go make that popcorn I've been wanting for the past hour :P

Until next time!

A New Day

In an effort to make myself more accountable, and to give myself more daily structure, I have decided to take my journal off the physical pages of a notebook, and put it here, on my blog. I am doing this quite reluctantly though, because I am very tactile and I love having a physical notebook to write in with a fancy pen. It is my hope that by making this digital it will force me into more of a daily routine. The biggest reason I'm choosing to do this, however, accountability. I intend on making this accessible for my witchy friends. I hope that in doing this it will force me to be more accountable, to get me back in the habit of making this a routine rather than "oh I'm too tired right now, I'll just do it tomorrow" but the trouble is, tomorrow never comes.

As a part of the class I'm taking, I've decided to do a ritual of dedication. I'm finding it hard to maintain the momentum I had when the class started in the fall, so in hopes of bringing some of that back, I am changing up this blog a bit. Like I said earlier, now it will serve as my journal. Because I will now have a more public journal, there will be times when I change certain things up ever so slightly in the interest of privacy. Just because my life will be more of an open book, it doesn't mean that anyone else's has to be.

And now, with that, the first journal entry...

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5 days in, and this is my first "real" journal entry...could be worse I guess. I've been doing really well at keeping up with most everything else so far though. The only other thing I really need to work on is meditating. I'm not sure why it's so difficult for me to find the time to do it. It's not like I dislike it or anything, in fact, it's quite the opposite, but for some reason it's like there's a block. I suppose it could be because the altar room is so cold all the time, and just the thought of going in there makes me shiver. I guess it could also be because it's on a different level of the house than where I usually hang out, so it requires more effort to get up and go there. Maybe it's just that I'm lazy...I dunno. It's like...I like the idea of it, but not so much the doing of it. It's kind of weird.

Anyway, something that I've noticed recently is that there is a marked difference in my mood when recite the Lorax. It's like it helps me to get out of whatever "funk" I'm in. I also notice a marked difference when I use BP's. I never thought something so simple could have such quantifiable results, but I'm really noticing a positive change from just those two simple things. Those, along with my affirmations, have really made for a great daily practice. Now if I could just get my butt in gear to meditate, I'd be in business! 

(Just so you know, I'm not actually reciting the Lorax by Dr. Seuss - for privacy reasons, I changed the name and used an abbreviation for something else)

We're getting more snow tonight...and I secretly/not so secretly, love it. I love seeing so much snow. I know a lot of people hate it, and I totally get how frustrating it can be - shovelling the snow wall at the end of our driveway yesterday was a Herculean task, believe me - but I absolutely love the snow. I love how crisp it is and how pristine everything looks just after it's fallen. I love the smell of snow and how fresh it feels. I especially love when it crunches beneath your boots - the perfect snow for skiing in. I guess I just never outgrew the love of snow I had when I was a kid. It's almost like it energizes me. As much as I love the summer - how lush, green, and alive everything is - I absolutely melt in its heat. But in the winter - when everything is dead, frozen, and sleep - my body thrives in the cold, crisp air. It's funny how that is.

Anyway, it's getting late - 11:15 - so I should really be off for the night. 

Here's hoping this new journal format works out better for me. Until next time! 

My October Digest

It's a blustery day here in Halifax - the end of some kind of weather system we had yesterday and overnight. It's a funny sort of energy on the wind this time though - not quite like the "normal" refreshing and energizing winds of this time of year. Not quite sure how to put my finger on it...

Anyway, this has been the first weekend I've had off in about a month - and the first time I've had 2 days off together in about that same time. It was a wonderful lazy sort of weekend though, spent indoors with my wife, thanks to the weather. I picked up Skyrim again, just to re-familarize myself with it since the new remastered version comes out on Friday. I'm not sure how much I'll get to play that though, before I become a one-armed wonder for a bit, well...sort of. More on that later...

In other news, I'm about a week shy of my first month of W1 and so far things have been going really well. It was more reading than I was expecting, but I'm no stranger to reading :P I can notice little things, subtle things, starting to re-awaken. I say that because it seems so familiar yet distant, like I'm waking up out of a fog or something and seeing things for the first time. It's like it's something that was so commonplace before somehow went dormant or into hiding, and now I'm "waking up" and starting to remember something from a really long time ago. It's kind of neat, actually and I'm surprising myself sometimes.

It's a beautiful time of year to be outside here, with the splashes of colour everywhere, so I've been getting outdoors whenever I've been able to though, on my days off mostly. It's been hard not having 2 days off together, and for some reason when that one day rolls around, it just happens to be a bad weather day. Or, a not super great weather day. I still get outside though, because bad weather can't stop me or else I'd be inside all the time. It's also been a very solitary month, not seeing much of, well anyone, with my schedule being so opposite from most people. My new job is going really well though, despite that, which is fantastic. My co-workers seem pretty great, and I'm much happier on a daily basis. It's work that I'm very comfortable with, and good at doing, which makes me way less stressed. At the same time though, my schedule is kind of shit so my non-work life is a little lacklustre at the moment. It's all a trade off, and I think I'm a little bit closer to getting back to my normal self again, despite the schedule issues.

Anyway, I snapped some pictures when I was out on Wednesday, because I was just so in awe of how beautiful things are this time of year, and I thought I would share some of them with you!

So in other not-so-awesome news, I'm going in for a hand surgery in a little over 2 weeks. It's only going to be about half an hour, if all goes well, and I'm only getting a local anaesthetic - in my hand. Unfortunately for me it means I'll be totally awake and aware of whats going on, I just won't be able to feel it. Fortunately it also means that I won't have to spend time in a recovery room or anything, and there won't be any complications from general anaesthetic, which is totally a bonus. It still sucks though, because it's my right hand and I'm right handed, so I'll have to be gimpy with my left hand for a while. They're finally getting rid of a cyst that's been bugging me since last year. It's in the palm of my hand, right below my middle finger. As much as it will suck to recover from it, I've been noticing it a lot more since I've been back to merchandising, so it will be nice to not have to deal with it any more once it's gone. Oddly enough, I've also been noticing it more, the more I do with energy...maybe that's not so odd, but it's a new realm for me so I'm not so sure about these things just yet. Until then, I'll be living it up with both hands as much as possible XP 

I really don't have a whole lot of other stuff happening other than that though. Things have been blissfully quiet, but at the same time I've been accomplishing a lot in my course and getting myself back on track. 

I've been glad to see people's recent posts. It's great knowing that you guys are still out there doing what you do, even though our little community is somewhat quiet at the moment. 

I'm going to "sign off" for now - I'm going to spruce up my altar space. Until next time!

Hello from the other side

I've been in my head a lot lately.

For the past 6 years (I think), there's been a little weekend festival in New Hampshire called TempleFest. I first heard about it about 3 years ago or so, and while it sounded pretty cool and like something that might be neat to get to one day, it was never really something on my radar. We had a local pagan gathering back 10+ years ago (we still do, but to my knowledge it has evolved somewhat and is more social now than educational - nothing wrong with that, just not really my thing) which I enjoyed. It was a camping weekend with workshops, a big feast, and a few rituals, and it was a great way to meet people in the local community, learn some stuff, and just hang out with like-minded folk. I had a great time and was looking to return the following year but work prevented me from getting to more than the one, but then some stuff happened and the local community and its dynamics changed, and so too did the festival.

Last month I had the opportunity to get to TempleFest with some friends of mine, and it was an eye-opening experience for me - as I was hoping it would be. It was pretty last-minute. I had an opportunity to go earlier on (maybe back in May) that I had to turn down once Heather and I talked it over a bit and decided financially it wouldn't be the smartest move for us this year. But then about 2-3 weeks before the festival I got a message from someone that something had come up and there was a spot and was I available to go? This message came the day after I had a dream that was...interesting, shall I say...so once I got that message Heather and I talked it over some more, and figured that maybe this was the universe giving me a slight nudge in the right direction, so we made it work and I went. I met some awesome people that I will hopefully be able to stay in touch with, and I learned lots. I came home with a renewed sense of what I need to work on spiritually, and it was a really great feeling. I'm super excited to start W1 now - not that I wasn't before - but I think it's really going to help me in the long run.

Anyway, ever since I've been back I've really been trying to maintain the momentum that was started at TempleFest. I've been doing little things here and there, and discovering things about myself - or maybe just getting confirmation - and just keeping that ball rolling, so to speak. I feel more witchy than I ever have - I think partly because I've reclaimed the word "witch" in a way that I never had before. I've become a lot more comfortable with it, especially when people see my tattoo and go "oh, are you a witch?" I'm a lot more willing to admit that to "randoms" now than I was before.

So that's pretty big, I think.

But - as a result of me doing that - I've turned inwards a lot, and been doing a lot of contemplating in other areas of my life - more specifically, about my job.

In April I started a new job - as a pharmacy assistant. I went into it suspecting that I wasn't going to like the store I would be working in - and I wasn't wrong. But what I wasn't ready for was the possibility of not liking the job itself. I had been doing courses and been training at my other job for the better part of a year, with the end goal of getting a full-time position as a pharmacy assistant. I worked for the position, and I got it on my first try. I was so happy to be able to move into a role that I thought would be rewarding - knowing that I'm contributing to helping people feel better. To be in a job with a title that meant something more than "retail worker". Pharmacy Assistant sounds a hell of a lot better than Merchandiser. But once I got there I was stuck on cash - the receiving end of cranky customers, having to be the one they get angry at when something isn't as they're expecting. If I'm lucky I get to be "filling" prescriptions maybe one shift a week - sometimes unto 3 times - but I really am just a cashier with the occasional filling shift, and I can honestly say that I hate it. I hate the job I'm doing and I hate the environment that I'm working in. Every day I work I have to ask for help to get me through the shift, and sometimes it's all I can do to not walk out. I don't want to spend another 4 months slowly suffocating emotionally and spiritually (trying to hide the fact that I dislike my job day in-day out) by being in a spot like that. I can't. And so I'm not.

At most I have 4 weeks to freedom, at best 2 weeks.

I'm going back to my old role as a merchandiser - at another store. One that's got a much better work environment. I can't say I'm totally happy though, because leaving means admitting defeat, closing a door that I'm not sure I'm ready to close just yet. At the same time though, I'm happy I had the experience I did because I did learn a lot, and I never would have known it wasn't for me if I didn't do it.

So I've been thinking about this a lot in the last week. There's been lots of other stuff going on in my life too though.

My parents are renovating their house, which is only about a 4 minute walk away. Right now chaos doesn't really even begin to describe the situation. They were without running water for 2 weeks, and only got cold water back last week. They may not have hot water for another...well, they really don't know. Thankfully we're so close so they can come here to get showers and whatnot when they can. It's been hard on everyone, but especially my mom, and I wish I could help more than I have been.

While this has been going on - the renovations at my parent's place - I found out my brother and his partner of 4 years broke up. It's whats best for everyone in the long run, and I want what's best for them, truly. But it's just more emotional stuff to wade through.

So I've been in my head a lot lately.

I know I've been quiet for a few months, but I was in a dark place for a bit, with my job. I had to work through that, which I did, and I came out the other side of that about a month to month-and-a-half ago or so. When I came out of that I found out I was able to go to TempleFest, which was awesome, but when I got back I found I was still working through some stuff, just in a different way, and in different areas of my life - but it's not all bad!

And thus begins my Saturn Return - I think. I'm ready for a bumpy ride...but who says bumpy rides can't be a little fun, right?

My First Vlog

I know it's pretty crazy, but here it is! My first ever attempt at making a video of myself. Enjoy!

I hope everyone is doing well, and I'll see you guys real soon (maybe even in video form)!

"Things fall apart/the centre cannot hold" - Yeats

That has kind of been my life for the past 3-4 months. Nonetheless, welcome to 2016! I had high hopes but the first bit kinda sucked, I'm not going to lie. Now that we've crash landed into it and things may finally be calming down, I thought I would pick up the scattered pieces of my life that lay strewn about and try to put them together - one of those pieces is this blog. 

Let me give you the run down.

As I'm sure many of you already know, Heather and I bought a house back in November. The process started at the end of September and went into October. After some really frustrating hiccups during that process, we moved in mid-November. The move was by far the most jarring one I've ever had, and that day was a bit of a hot mess for sure, but in the end, regardless of how many tears were shed, we had a house. And it is our house.

We were just starting to get settled in, when we went on vacation in early December. We hadn't planned  on taking a vacation at all last year (or any time in the near future for that matter), but it kind of fell into our laps at the end of last summer, so we couldn't refuse it. We knew we would be leaving some boxes and stuff to unpack when we got home, which was fine. Not exactly how we'd hoped things would go, but that's life, isn't it?

Our trip was fantastic - an awesome break from the craziness that had been happening in our lives. We got to see some friends, that, although we don't see very often at all, are kind of like family now. 

The real shittyness happened pretty much as soon as we got home.

Both Heather and I got sick on the last day or so of our vacation so that by the time we got home, we were in full blown sickness mode. I ended up with a sinus infection, and Heather had one heck of a nasty head cold. We both missed some work because of it, and once we started feeling better we were finally able to start thinking about the first Christmas in our new home.

I started to put up our little Christmas tree and got out the tote of decorations, and just when things were starting to feel like home and plans for a family Christmas dinner at our house were made, all of that fell apart. 

We were taking out our old couch to make way for a new one that we'd bought and was supposed to be getting delivered the next day, when Heather noticed something in the folds of the couch. It was a bedbug. A small one - not even an adult, as we would come to find out - but that one tiny bug threw any plans we had made right out the window. We found it on December 22. That close to Christmas, no one was able to come and spray our place, but we were able to get a guy in with sniffer dogs. They both reacted positively to a small spot around where the bug was found, so we decided to go ahead and get someone in to spray with chemicals. 

Heather was a mess. It was her worst nightmare come to life. Literally. 

We were essentially living out of ziploc bags for nearly a month. Every time we came in or went out of the house, Heather had to run everything through the dryer. We even had to find temporary homes for our reptiles (which we are still so thankful for). To say it sucked is putting it mildly. 

Once the pest control officer came out and sprayed, he was able to confirm that it was likely just the one bug - there were absolutely no signs of anything else. That was peace of mind enough for me, but Heather was still scarred from it, and will likely always be to a certain point. She is doing a lot better now though, and is about back to her regular self. Our house still vaguely smells like the chemicals the guy sprayed in some spots though, an unwanted reminder of some of the darkest days we've spent together.

Once we were done with the chemical treatments (only 2), we got our new couch delivered, and slowly started getting our lives back in order. We were able to cook in the kitchen again, we could be in the living room and not be afraid, and we could start to finish unpacking, and finally, the ziploc bags went away.

It's taken us this long to get our office mostly in order, and to finally get our ritual room put together. 

I cannot tell you what it's been like for me to not have an altar set up - to not have a place to focus on. It sucked a lot. It's been almost 5 months since I've had an altar set up, and let me tell you, I did not feel right for those 5 months. I might even go so far to say I may have been a bit depressed. I'm not sure how that works because I'm not very familiar with it, but now that I was able to put the final touches on the alter last night, I feel like a fog has been lifted. Everything seems brighter, more vibrant. Even though I was up at 5:45 this morning, I was okay with it - not tired and reluctant to get out of bed. It's like night and day.

So, with that, here's a closer look at my "new" altar.

So I've got a few things going on, as you can see. The main alter has 3 components.

The top level, if you will, is my working altar. It's where the magic happens (literally! Teehee). Anything I need to charge, any spell I cast or sachet I make, or anything I need to do really, is done there. It's got representations of all of the elements, plus an offering dish.

The middle level is kind of a placeholder spot. It's stuff I want to have quick and easy access to, but I don't always use. Things that don't really have a spot otherwise, but I want to keep out.

The bottom level is my ancestor alter. This is a new section that I've been wanting to set up for ages, and I'm actually really excited about it. Originally I had envisioned it as one of the little side altars, but I couldn't figure out how to get photos on there, so after a bit of thinking I re-worked it ever so slightly and came up with this idea. I really like how it's turning out, but I'm not quite done yet. I need to sort through some old photos and pay a visit to my parents house before it will feel "done", I think.

And this is my meditation altar. It's a tad on the cluttered side, so I may tweak this one as well. Originally I wanted it on my main alter, but had to re-work it slightly and so this is how it ended up. I think it will do just fine though. 

So this is my "healing" altar, which is another new addition. I had the idea to set one up after a ritual I went to for Yule. It's very simplistic, and it's going to take a little work to be "done", so for now it's super bare bones. I really just wanted to have a candle, preferably a 7-day candle, and a dish or something that I could put people's names in (for people that have asked for good vibes or healing or that kind of thing). I'd like to spruce it up a bit more than that, so this might be another one that evolves more consistently. 

So there we go, my new space all set up! Finally! And on top of that, I'm feeling a bit more like my normal self. I think maybe it has something to do with having that space set up, but it could also be that we've been cooking in our kitchen again, and the majority of our animals are back. I've been noticing that the days are getting longer as well, so that could be helping too, I dunno. Either way, I'm crossing my fingers that there are brighter days ahead. 

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*Note* I wrote this last weekend and didn't get around to posting this until now because I wrote it as a note on my phone and then had to e-mail it to myself, then I copied and pasted the e-mail here. I'm not sure what Blogger didn't like about that, but it obviously didn't like something. Sorry for the odd white "halo" around the text, but hopefully I can fix it somehow. 

Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

Hey Everyone!

I'm just popping in to say that I'm still alive and well, despite being rather quiet.

My summer has been going well, and been keeping me busy. The weather here has gotten more seasonal but now it's bordering on being a bit too hot for my liking. It seems like we have extremes here - cold or hot, and only just a little bit of in-between time. The humidity is what really does me in though, and right now it's really bad. I hate feeling like I'm swimming in the air, and today I feel exactly as though I'm doing that. It seems that no matter what we do to try and keep our apartment a decent temperature, nothing works. I know this will change soon though, so I won't complain too loudly about it.

On a personal level, my spiritual practice is also still alive and well, though not as active as I would like it. I really like having my altar in its new spot - I pay more attention to it overall, and it just feels more mine, if that make sense. Our little household altar could use some sprucing up though, so hopefully we'll be able to get to that this weekend.

I'd like to be doing more meditations, on the whole, but I just haven't been in that mindset for the past few weeks. It's just too warm, and when I get home I usually have to do some domesticated adult things, before making supper (after I've had time to check my Facebook and e-mails, of course) and then some getting time to myself before having to head to bed. I'm usually tired, and it's late, so meditating isn't a great idea at that point. I'm really going to try and make it a priority to do that on my days off. Well, Monday really. I have less to do on Mondays than I do on Sundays usually.

Holiday celebrations have been going well for my coven. Lammas went really well, and was the first ritual a coven-mate ever did, so it was a really exciting time. It was all about celebrating one another, and thanking one another for what we all bring to the table, so-to-speak. We all got to make different kinds of breads too, which was fun. I always love when rituals involve food :P I don't necessarily know this would have been an idea I would have had for a ritual, so it's also been really great to have all the different perspectives from everyone for things like this. It's actually one of the things I enjoy most about working in a coven - all the little things that everyone brings to the group, and how different we all are, but also how well we all work together even though we are so varied. I'm pretty excited to see what's in store for the next one!

So I know I was talking about a Christopher Penczak workshop a while back. I'd been looking forward to it quite a bit, but unfortunately it got cancelled. They needed to have a certain number of people signed up for the workshop by August 1 in order to get his travel stuff secured, and that was unfortunately not able to happen. In my opinion, it was a pricy workshop. The only reason I was able to sign up was because of the taxman. It was good timing for me. I paid the early-bird price, and I still think it was a bit much. I mean, I understand where the cost was coming from, but when I'm paying that kind of money for a weekend it would be nice to have something physical to take away at the end of it. The organizers are hoping to try again in 2017, after they've had time to establish themselves a bit more, so hopefully I'm able to sign up for it then. I really enjoy his works, so it would have been awesome.

Because I usually take some money from my tax return for a new tattoo each year, when I got the refund for that workshop, I was able to "re-invest" it into a new tattoo. I'd been wanting this one for probably around 10 years, so I was really excited to finally be able to get it.

As you can see, it's The Hermit tarot card. I got it done by the same guy that did my key - Anthony Robicheau, and he did it in the watercolour style. It turned out better than I could have imagined, and I'm so happy to have it on my arm permanently!!! I still smile when I look down at at, and I haven't even had it for 2 weeks yet. 

The Hermit has a lot of meaning for me. It's actually my birth card (when you use the add-up-your-birthday-and-reduce-to-a-number-less-than-21 method), but it I've always liked the imagery of it. I've been telling my co-workers (or anyone that asks) to think of him like Yoda, when Luke when to search him out on Dagoba. That wizened sage-type character that's removed himself from society and the hustle and bustle of daily life. He's the guide that can help show you the path and help to light your way along it, but he won't do the work for you - that's all on you. He's already been there, and done that. I also kind of have a thing for lanterns, so it's been an aesthetically pleasing image for me as well. 

So yeah - that's been me lately. Friends of mine that I met last summer from Orlando, Florida came up last week for a fundraiser, so it was awesome getting to hang out with them a bit more and see them all again. It's funny. I've never met people that I've intrinsically had such a strong connection to (aside from Heather of course). It's like we're on the same wavelength and I've known them forever - we just "click". It's funny how life works. I'm so blessed and so lucky on so many levels.  <3 

Something Old is New Again

So remember my post a little while ago about my wrist tattoo? Well, today was its big day. Here is what it looks like now...

This is my take on the #covenkey tattoo. I can't believe I just used a hashtag...I kind of feel dirty now...LOL!

Anyway, as you can see it's a moth sitting atop a skeleton key, with vines wrapped around it, so that it ties into my existing tattoo. I LOVE it!

Moths are big for me. I see them all over the place - literally. They're always flying into me when I'm out for a walk at night, and even on the brightest of days I'll have them flutter past. Butterflies are big for me too, but lately moths have been more prevalent. We even had one in our apartment in the dead of winter after a big snowstorm in February. I have a framed Atlas Moth near my altar (google them - they're huge and so pretty!), and a bunch of framed butterflies around the apartment as well. I'm not quite sure what it is about them that calls to me so strongly, but there's just something about them...or, perhaps there's something about me that draws them in. That particular moth is based on a Spanish Moon Moth, but has the colouring more like a Luna Moth.

Sitting around a kitchen table a few weeks back, the idea was floated around that the members of my coven all get matching tattoos. We were pretty excited about the idea, and chose keys to be the common theme. We would all get skeleton keys, but they would be individualized to suit our personalities. Right away I wanted to get a key that was made out of gnarled tree branches. I thought it would look really cool, and I might be able to tie it into my existing tattoo. Then I thought about getting one that had an abstract shape of a human skull at the top, but I finally settled on a moth, and the rest is history! I won't tell the story of everyone else's key, nor will I share their photos in this post. That is their tale to tell, not mine.

Keys are an interesting symbol. Having a key gives you the power to unlock that which is hidden. It also provides you with a feeling of safety - you can lock up your valuables so no one else has access to them. It can also give you a feeling of exclusivity - not everybody is going to have access to everything that key unlocks. They're also mysterious - what does that key unlock, exactly? It was a combination of this and a few other things that made it a good choice for us.

The only thing about tattoos (for me at least), is that every time I get one, it gives me a thirst for more...

Let the Rains Fall Down

I know it may seem impossible, but every now and then try to stop and enjoy the simple things in life.

We had a gorgeous morning here in Halifax, but that turned into a grey, foggy, rainy day. It was a beautiful day.

We went for a walk knowing that it would likely start raining as we were half way through. The sky had turned angry quickly, with intensely dark looming clouds, and a cool wind that carried moisture on its breath. Armed with our light rain jackets, we set off. Sure enough, just as we were fawning over the cutest teeniest ducklings I've seen in a while the sky opened up - a light sprinkle at first, gradually becoming more intense as the minutes wore on.

We were at a marsh with a large body of water, and as soon as the rain started falling it was like I woke up. Instantly the hum of the traffic from the nearby busy street faded away, and amidst the sweet sing-song of the birds that call that marsh home, I heard the most amazing sound of the light rain hitting the water. It was a very soft almost indescribable sound. It was kind of like white noise, but more alive. It was so rejuvenating, refreshing, and energizing to me. It wasn't just the sound of the rain hitting the marsh, it was the sensation of the rain hitting me, seeing it fall on the trees, and splashing on the ground around us. It was the smell that the rain brought with it, fresh and green. Drenched as I was, it was the most alive I'd felt in months.

Back home with a renewed sense of vitality, I decided today would be the day I move my altar - and so I did. It was in our bedroom and in a spot I wasn't a fan of to begin with, so I was disconnected from it for a while. Getting rid of an old desk in our office opened up lovely spot for me, so tonight I turned that into my own little nook of sorts. Here's the in-progress photo, and the "after".

I say the second photo is the "after" photo because I'd like to put a mat down on the floor or something. I kind of feel like it needs that to finish it off. I'd also like to have something on the wall behind my "secondary" altar, so until I can get those things this is the finished product. 

I love the feel of it, and I really like how I have my books and stuff right next to me when I'm doing stuff. It's not a huge space, but I think it's a great size for me. I also LOVE that I can have my altar set up next to a window again. I've really missed having that since I moved out of my parents place *cough*a few years ago*cough*. 

So, I know the photos are a bit small so it's hard to see everything, but I'll try to explain a little about the set-up just the same. The altar that's got the pink sarong on it is my main working altar. It's the one I'll sit in front of to do, well, pretty much everything. The one that's off to the side is a secondary altar that holds my statuary and tools and my bits of stuff, if that makes any sense. It's not where I'm focusing my energy all the time, but it's a spot where I can still display the things I'd like to have on display, and I thought that if I wanted to get into making more seasonal altars, I could use this secondary one to do that. I like to have a lot of the same stuff on my working altar all the time, so it's hard for me to want to dress it up seasonally.

So yeah, today was a great recharging day for me. I highly encourage everyone to get outside and get caught in the rain every now and again. Not all the time - I get that you don't want to be soaking wet on your way to work, or if it's cold out, or whatever - but sometimes it's fun to play in the rain.